Who holds it?

Off the top of my head

I feel the gun to my aching head,
The blade to my scared skin,
The poisened dagger,
digging into my spine.

Who holds them all?
Do I hold the gun?
Ready to blow the world away,
Whether it be a bomb to the earth,
Or a small article in the paper.

Does someone else hold it?
Making me say or do something?
Do they ask if I believe in god?
Will I enjoy the sensation of fear?
Or just be shocked to feel again?

Who holds the blade to my skin?
Is it I?
I who simply wants the pain,
Wants the sensation of life,
To feel my life drip out of me.
To find my release.

Or is it them?
They who I have hurt?
They who I love and failed.
They who...deserve to cut me open.

Now who holds the dagger?
Burning poison flowing into me.
Flowing to my veins,
Turns out I can only laugh.

Because I know,
You will betray me.
For if I know my mind,
It has betrayed me already.
So, why wouldn't you?

Author's Note

I don't know how I came up with this but here it is.

Reviews

[john alan willox]

" i hurt myself today - just to see if i still feel" - Johnny Cash via Nine Inch Nails - reminds me of this - gloomy yet awake and wondering - not exactly a nice read but i liked it nonetheless.

[Boy of the red]

I love "Hurt" by jonny cash too. Do you mean quality?

[john alan willox]

well we can aspire - more like sentiment, emotion, longing maybe with a hint of regret...

[Boy of the red]

No I mean did I do a good job or did you just not like it?

[john alan willox]

you did a good job - but you require some polish - which will come with more writing and as i recall from so long ago - just more life under your belt

[InsanityWriter]

Such confliction in this piece! Great work. :) I enjoyed reading this. ^_^

[Boy of the red]

thank you! i enjoyed your comment

[Jack...]

At times we are our own worst and betraying enemy, often a quick glance deep inside answer this for us. very cool my friend. Nice job.

[Boy of the red]

Thank you my dear friend

[RachelReaper]

This is so honest and real, I love the way that your not going to hold anything back in this. You write exactly what you wanted to say. Great job, great write :)

[Boy of the red]

Isn't that the whole point of the site? :) thank you my friend

[RachelReaper]

:)

[Blue Ivory]

Wow I love the raw emotions in this. This is a topic worth thinking about and I can see how one might have such a dilemma. You have great depth. A true talent. Would love to read more of your work!

[Boy of the red]

Haha thank you. Please do!

[Pax]

trust issues because of fear of being betrayed ~ i've been there... i learned to comprehend each situation, try to be good and better individual to be not sounding like i distance myself from people, because i don't want that lonely road... i also learned not to care much to overthink the pain... so i write it down... they say writing is theraputic and they are right... it somehow release our emotions in words are much a relief than a release in blood which is more painful to see and feel... a dark road... don't go on that road my friend... i know you'll follow the light close to you... keep penning those emotions...

[Boy of the red]

Thank you my dear friend

[Holly Mason]

who has the weapon....very deep questions you have here
your mind has betrayed you already-great thoughts
I will read more of your writings
interesting title
thank you for sharing

[Boy of the red]

thank you for reviewing.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Dark and deep, for sure... I like the idea of your piece; who holds the weapon to your head, someone else or is it you all along. Of course, in reality it is you, but the whole of what a person says or does indeed makes a difference. I think we've all been in this place, or at least those of us with slightly tortured souls, but in the end, life is better lived than lost, don't you think? I enjoyed your work.

[Boy of the red]

Thank you very much.