Black-Hearted Pen

thoughts being... inked out hahaha

For those who know me,

I am a chip off the ole block!

For those who don’t…

Well I doubt you’ll ever give my door a knock.

 

I am not the greatest,

Not even close to most men.

Yet I have more… hidden emotion,

Much like my Black-Hearted Pen!

 

There are secrets in its ink.

Dark secrets, hidden away inside.

But do not try to peek, whatever you  do!

For its ink shall take your mind on a dark and twisted ride!

 

But do not think ill minded,

It is just like me….

Our sweet ink trapped inside!

Yet an outer shell of white is all you choose to see.

 

Now that you know,

Please for the love of all!

Please let our ink flow…

For our pens are about to break…

 

Author's Note

I am not sure about the ending but so far i like what i have done. please tell me what you think!

Reviews

[Pax]

our ink ~ i always see that our words are our little souls in fragments spread out throughout the verses we write ~ an expressive piece my friend !

[Boy of the red]

Thank you my friend :) I hope you enjoyed it

[Pax]

yes i did ~ and your welcome

[InsanityWriter]

Very nice. :) The last stanza was my favorite. ^_^ Very foreboding... ;)

[Boy of the red]

Haha how so?

[InsanityWriter]

I'm not sure how to explain it... It just was. But I guess it helped that I read it in a kinda dramatic voice too. XD

[ForeverNever]

It seems as if you could add some stanzas to it, although I like the ending very much, and the whole piece as well.
You always astound me with your talent, my little poe.
Very good job.
Love,
me.

[Boy of the red]

thank you my love :) i will work on it.

[Quill~]

Write on! Go for it! The darkest writes are always the most intriguing. This one is pretty intriguing too. Nice write. :)

[Boy of the red]

Thank you :) the ink was more of a medafor for spoken words and expressions though

[Laura Maidah]

Very relatable. Nice last two lines. Great plea for inspiration, no?

[Boy of the red]

what do you mean?

[AWickedMoon]

I loved this poem; personally I think you could do without the line" Please for the love of all!” I like how the last line isn’t “rhymey”. It helps to emphasize the stress at the end. Great work. :)

[Boy of the red]

yea i couldnt think of a really good line for that. in the original that last bit wasnt there but i didnt like how it ended so i changed it up :) thanks for the review!

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

Oh I really love this, it has a certain relaxed voice to it and yet it says so much with the writing and feelings even the warnings of the pen and dark secrets. Love this. Enjoyed a lot.

[Boy of the red]

thank you! i tried to control my voice in this but somehow it kept slipping through haha

[Jack...]

I like the idea and it flows nicely, but I do agree, I think the ending needs to at least keep the same syllable count as the previous. Just my opinion.

[Boy of the red]

Yea I thought that too...

[fireblossom]

It is a good premise. Very interesting. I like it as it is, but you may find some more refinements suit you. The break in rhyme in the last stanza may be for effect...

Its a good poem.

[Boy of the red]

it was. it was just to stress the message of the poem so people could understand it better

[Angela ☄️]

The ending makes me think of "One step closer" By Linkin Park. :) LOL, I love the way this poem rhymes and is so serious but so free sounding, this is a nice poem you have here. :P

[Boy of the red]

haha thank you! i was actually listening to "Prayer of a Refugee" by Rise Against while writing it haha

[Angela ☄️]

Haha, I love that song. :P

[Boy of the red]

haha, love both those bands!