This is the last time I can hurt you.

My goodbyes to my love. I planned on leaving this earth today.

If only I knew,

Just how much I had hurt you.

My words will mean nothing.

You are to good for them

You say it's ok...

But then you run straight to the blade! 

I know I deserve this feeling. 

The feeling of being the worst man alive.

With every slash you made,

Just another slash to my heart.

I only wish there was a way,

To give me my punishment without hurting you more. 

I am nothing without you,

Yet I am only bad when with you.

I do not mean to be.

I try to be and do everything that will make you happy!

But I just....I'm not good enough.

I slip up and say and do things that make you mad or sad.

You deserve better than me.

You deserve the worlds finest.

A gentlemen who will care to your every whim.

Unfortunately I'm not him.

I am flawed and broken.

I hurt you time and time again.

You beg me to be happy when all I do is hurt you! 

I am not good enough.

For some reason you still love me.

Why? I don't know. 

I'll never see.

But, because of this,

I'll never be able to die.

You have made it clear,

If I die, you shall too.

So whatever pain I cause,

Give it back in double.

Just please don't hurt yourself anymore.

You don't deserve that.

I don't deserve you.

I'll try to be better.

I love you so much.

Teach me to make you happy and I shall do everything I can. 

Goodnight, hopefully not goodbye, my love

(Dedicated to the love of my life, the one who wipes the tears from my face, the one who keeps me breathing, the amazing writer and girlfriend, FOREVERNEVER)

Author's Note

I hurt my love. I planned on killing myself so she wouldn't have to deal with me ever again. She has made it clear if I die then she will too. I love her and I will try to be better...no. I will be better

Reviews

[Sacha Davison]

A gentlemen who will care to your every whim. - it should be "gentleman"


I can relate to this poem a thousand-fold. I've been in your exact position and it's far from easy. We always hurt the ones who love us most and that we love most, as well. Ending your own life is not the right thing to do, it is something irreversible and it is devastating to your loved ones. I'm glad that she stopped you from having such intentions, albeit I wish that she could have done so without returning such a harrowing promise. I hope that you may find the better man within yourself to give your love everything she deserves. It just takes work, friend. I cannot say it worked out as favourably for myself, however she has stopped hurting herself and I no longer get such drastic thoughts in my head. It will all get better.

In regards to the poem itself it is well structured in my opinion and it flows quite smoothly. The raw emotion that poured into it from you gives it a very grasping voice when read. Thank you very much for posting such a gem and I wish you good tidings!

[Boy of the red]

Thank you so much for this kind review. I hurt her without realizing it. But I'll do better. She loves me, don't know why but she does. I think we will be good in time. I love her. I'll do anything for her. So that's what I have to do. Everything and anything.

[Tricia O'Brien]

This is the most powerful piece I've read thus far on this site. This hits close to home for me. Thank you for this.... I applaud your honestly and will to be better.

[Boy of the red]

thank you very much

[Linda J. Harris]

This one was sad for me because, I, too, thought thevend would be better. But I have two adult kids and I'M would never hurt them by hurting me, It would be too painful to think about. But I do still have thoughts of it. Since she loves you and you are wise, can you start therapy to find more good in you? I did that and I had a 24 year spurt of goodness and positiveness.

[Boy of the red]

Well this kind of is my therapy haha

[Pax]

every mistakes is to be learned that's how a person grows stronger.... death is not always the answer...

a very moving piece...

[Boy of the red]

thank you my amazing friend

[Angela ☄️]

Suicide is never worth it, no matter what your dealing with...I'm glad you didn't though.

[Boy of the red]

thank you. i am too

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

This was a great poem though depressing. I think everyone feels like this at one point in their relationship. I know I have felt like this once. It was terrible. I know that if she lost the person she loved that she would die too. I have felt like this with one of my ex...it was sad. It's hard when people that love die...she wouldn't have wanted to live with out the love of her life. I am glad that she was able to save you. We would have lost another innocent person in this world. I really thought this was amazing. Thanks for sharing. P.S. Never give up. You belong in this world like the rest of us.

[Boy of the red]

thank you

[Angie Diane♥♥]

You're welcome.

[eglantine]

oh wow, lots of brutal honesty in this poem. Reminds me kind of a past relationship of mine... Please don't ever kill yourself over heartache. Heartbreak is (i believe) the worst pain, but it is also provides us with the ability to heal and love again. Glad you are determined to be better for your gf.

[Boy of the red]

Thank you my friend. It is one of the worst feelings in the world.

[Damien Davison]

This is very touching. It shows that even though you made a(some) mistake(s) you feel guilt and great remorse for it. You show the will to change and make it right. Love and happiness will prevail.

[Boy of the red]

Thank you. I think it has :)

[rnuff]

wow so deep and sad. Nicely written and expressed.

[Boy of the red]

Thank you

[ℰmerald ⚓]

I could relate to this feeling..true love is the love with the little bumps in the road that you get over fast and easy..she has faith that you can be better, i bet that's why she won't let you go, also because you love each other :) it makes a lovely poem though, I liked it. She'll know how much she means to you.

[Boy of the red]

Thank you. She is the best thing to ever happen to me. I hope I never lose her.

[ℰmerald ⚓]

I hope so too. You seem very happy with this girl.

[Boy of the red]

I am. Haven't been happy this much since before the death of my old friend. So years haha

[ℰmerald ⚓]

Well I'm glad your happy after all these years.

[Boy of the red]

I hope you are as well.