In the Club

Part of a short story I'm writing. This little piece alone feels like it has a beginning/middle/end and would just like some feedback.

“I think you’re going to need those.” the bouncer said, looking at the ground. Three golden condoms laid in plain sight until I grabbed them to stuff into my pocket. They had come out conveniently with my I.D. that proved I was old enough to go into the club, Ritz. 

“Thanks.” I said and went in. I touched my cheeks that felt warm from the wave of embarrassment. Getting laid was actually the furthest thing from my mind. I wouldn’t be able to reach the stoop of someone’s apartment before I’d begin to have regrets. 

I pushed the rubbers all the way down until I felt their corners nibbling at my leg. Everywhere I looked were sexy-looking-men. Round and lean bodies that glowed in the darkness of the club. I needed to get closer. 

  Walking down a narrow hallway, the beat of music tumbled, chests balanced against one another, and I wound up in the middle of the dance floor. Men spun around me and spilling their beers, I wanted to be as carefree. I swayed side to side but the rhythm of music swam right past me. How do I do this? I must have mouthed the words because I noticed a pair of twinkling eyes staring at me. They belonged to a guy that was dancing with a bunch of people. Friends. He nodded for me to come over. 

We had no introductions. Our feet passed around the beat of the music and when it was my turn I did it without any hesitation. Sometimes it’s not such a bad thing to lack confidence because then you meet new people. I felt the sweat running down my forehead. 

By the time the guy and his friends exited the floor my shirt was soaked. The addiction had me wondering how I had ever been afraid to dance. With every new song my torso spun like there was a hook in it, pulling it, until releasing my hands into the air. 

“You’re a good dancer.” somebody said. Their words were close to my ear. I had seen him come at me from across the room but only now realized we were dancing together. 

“Thank you.” I said, feeling my hands along his back. Smooth muscle swayed beneath the cotton shirt. My hand moved up behind his neck when all of sudden he took it and spun me around. Feeling the pulse behind my body I noticed there was something different in the way he moved. The itch in my pocket from the condoms threw me off balance but he caught us by placing his arms around my waist. His hold felt firm but not aggressive. I was comfortable to keep dancing. 

“Do you wanna go outside?” He said.

Reviews

[Gigi]

I love this! It reads effortlessly and I can see the men and feel their muscles along with the character. I know this is part of a larger one but I'm curious to know how he compares. Muscular? Skinny? Who's our guy? How are the condoms suddenly itching with all this blood pulsating through him? Is it because he feels maybe he himself has grown tighter down there? Im giving you a 95 until we clear that up. It's the only thing that struck me as odd.

[BoyKitsch]

Great analyzation of the condoms. I love using small details to bring out a bigger picture so I think I'll edit it in somewhere about feeling tight "down there." I don't think mentioning the character's body type is too important as it's not an issue in this part. There is no insecurity with his body-type as he is just making an observation. If anything I'll add it in a later part if it comes up.