The immortal Ball

"You can't go!" 

"Derek you know I don't have a choice. 

I have to go." 

"Brielle please don't do this. Rebel. Stay here with me." 

Derek i can't."

"What if your chosen? Then I will loose you. Your promised to me!"

"I may be promised but we are not married so it doesn't matter."

She turned slowly to head upstairs to get ready, but hesitated.

She turned to look at him again. 

"Please don't come. If something happens and I get chosen, I don't want you to see." 

He groaned loudly as she made her way upstairs. 

Every year a royal ball was thrown. 

A party for the entire village

Except this party was for the Immortals. It was their night to choose their mates

Every girl in the village was required to attend, but only those of age could be chosen

This was the year she joined those participating. 

Her love watched as she walked into the ballroom, her beautiful sequin dress hanging elegantly from her shoulders

Standing with some of the other young girls, waiting patiently.

The gathering crowd watched as the Immortals made their way to the center of the room 

eyeing each girl with a dark, mysterious look.

One by one each girl was chosen. 

Brielle tried to steady her breathing, Soon she was the last girl left standing

A small smile formed on her love's face

But it was short lived. 

The room fell deathly silent as the last Immortal entered

He made his way straight for her as though he had chosen her long before

All her defenses were suddenly gone

She was captivated by this Immortal

"May I have this dance...Mate"

Author's Note

so this isn't poetry, it's actually the beginning to one of my new stories..I wanted to see what everyone thought...If you would like the backstory let me know!!

Reviews

[barleygirl]

The reader must be patient while reading thru the opening dialogue, since we know nothing at all about your characters, so it's a little hard to sort that early dialogue. Eventually you get to explaining what's going on & your explanation is clear. Overall, this is a suspenseful compelling vignette that follows this event in a sketchy way. I think lots of readers might enjoy having more sensory description about characters & scene. It feels a little like we're getting this storyline blindfolded (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Coyote Poetry]

A very nice flow of thoughts. You allowed the reader to follow the pace of the girl. Maybe a bad decision? I liked the open ending. Thank you Hayllie for sharing your amazing words and poetry.
Coyote

[Hayllie]

Thank you for your thoughts friend...I am excited about this story..maybe more than I have been about any of my other stories in a long while :)

[Coyote Poetry]

I am glad dear Hayllie. Keep writing my friend and you are welcome.

[Neville]

... This has the makings of a super cool story .. write on Hayllie ..

... Neville

[Hayllie]

Thank you so much! I am super excited to see where this goes thank you for stopping by

[AJNJ]

So the tiny sliver of hope died the moment she was chosen. I really find this very interesting. Who are those immortals and what happens after they choose their mates? Is their a struggle for the lovers ahead? I'd be interested to read on.

[Hayllie]

Im glad it sparked your interest...The Immortals are all "supernatural" creatures being from werewolf's to vampires etc.. and to keep peace in the villiage, every year a ball is held for all the girls that are of age to be chosen as a mate..,,thus goin forward can she find happiness and love with her"chosen" mate or will there be turmoil...

[AJNJ]

You're most welcome

[Cherrie]

Hello, because this is a story I would change the format to form on thd left. The notion of the story and personalities are coming together now the story needs dressed. Add in color, sounds, aromas, don't overdo it with a detail dump, but sprinkle in some life. So the reader feels like they have seen a real place and people. :) I look forward to see what you do with this.

[Hayllie]

Yes you are right I need to change the format just a bit but I am super excited about the story line...So many ideas in this big imagination I have lol. Thank you so much for your insight