Keep Holding On

This may not exactly be "poem" material, but as I get close to my brother's death date..the words began to pour out, and once I had it on paper, I just had to share it!

Keep holding on.

The pain never eases.

It always hurts; not in physical form, but the mental and emotional pain is like a blade. It slices through your tender skin, so delicately, cutting through meat and veins until there is no more. I've tried to grieve. I've tried to move on. I've tried to forget, and forgive. Your memory flashes in my mind. Blinding me. Begging for me to remember that day. I can't! I don't want to. I want to ignore the pain. The sadness. The death. 

I wanted to switch places. I battled my demons, to keep the blood inside. I blamed you. You weren't supposed to go. You promised to be there with me forever. It was almost finished. I was almost there. The cuts so deep I could feel everything fall; but then you came to my mind. "Just stay strong! Keep holding on." Your voice pulling me back from the blackness. From the hell I began to fall into. Filling my dreams with the bittersweet memories. My brother, my best friend; forever ageless. Forever painless; heavenly perfect. Standing just beyond the gates waiting. Reminding me to stay strong, keep holding on to see you again. Keep my faith, trust in my Lord to deliver me so one day I will see the other side of that golden gate. My brothers half smile waiting just on the other side. Always with me. Always reminding me to stay strong and Keep Holding On!

In memory of my best friend, and brother

Ethan Michael Smith

FEBRUARY 9, 1990 �" MAY 25, 2013

Author's Note

Please be kind...while I know it may not be a "poem" or great..I never dealt with my brother's passing, an this helped me to feel a little better.

Reviews

[Neville]

2013 will seem like a long time ago for many, but for some, it will feel like only yesterday.. No-one can force, or be forced to grieve by any other.. We all grieve in our own way and believe me, there is no text book way....

If writing helps, then write.. You are obviously good at expressing yourself in written form, so I suggest you carry on... Anniversaries will probably always be difficult, but that is just the way it is.. they are a measure in time that marks an event... in the case of a bereavement.. a significant event...

Your post here appears to be an expression of the intensity of feeling you clearly maintain & I sincerely hope one day you will come to terms with your significant personal loss whilst of course, never forgetting Ethan, because after all... he will always be your brother..

For now though, go well and go safely

Neville

[Hayllie]

Thank you so much! Yes it may seem like a long 7 years but to me it seems like just yesterday, and the pain still hurts just as bad, but holding on and staying strong and writing helps ease my mind

[Coyote Poetry]

No mistake in this powerful share of your life. I lost four brothers to suicide and drink. I understand the wish to see again. You are a amazing writer. Your words, easy to read, flow perfectly and you make the reader understand every word. Thank you Hayllie for sharing your words and thoughts. Death is never easy to understand.
Coyote

[Hayllie]

Thnks so much!! My brother passed in a terrible car accident, so I have always had a really hard time getting over it. But I hope that someone who may be going through my same issues may find a little peace through my writing.

[Coyote Poetry]

This is what we hope. Read my poem "If I make it to the Spring." Suicide is hard but unexpectant death leave us with great sadness and loss.

[Hayllie]

I will right now

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

A beautiful tribute to your dear brother
I’m so sorry for your loss
It needs no work
Needs no apologies
Needs no explanations
Writing does help the grieving especially when it comes up to your loved ones anniversary of passing and also their birthdays
Please be kind to yourself
He would love this he heard it and felt it in your heart before you wrote it

[Hayllie]

Thank you so much for your kind words! The words were just willing to be heard. To say me an my brother were closer than brother and sister isn't accurate; he was my best friend, wich may be why I have never allowed myself to grieve..its just to painful, but I find peace in knowing I will see him again!

[Julie McCarthy (juliespenhere)]

Yes I can believe it
We will see instantly on our last final breath all of our dear departed they are waiting for us

[Hayllie]

What a Glorious day that will be, to see our departed loved ones and our God smiling with their arms out!

[Julie McCarthy (juliespenhere)]

Again I feel sorry for your loss
I have personal experience in this
There is no magic formula
To get through it all
Be gentle on yourself I never was

[Hayllie]

It's a daily struggle, but I have to remind myself daily that He would want me to be strong

[Julie McCarthy (juliespenhere)]

He knows the pain you feel
He doesn’t expect you to get over him quick as I said be gentle on yourself