Leaves

A poem about the soft change from fall the winter

Leaves

Drifting down the breeze

Leaving me feeling soft and open

I catch two or three

As they descend

Green never lasts,

Yellow, orange, red consumes

and it shifts to a crisp

I catch two or three

As they descend

On top a crunchy bed I rest

I count the colors

I smell the breeze

Apples and pumpkins fill my head

I catch two or three

As they descend

I close my eyes. I smell its end

Brown turns to white

Crisp leaves no longer descend 

Apples fade to holly and 

The breeze shifts again

I glance up

Count the colors

As two or three descend. 

Reviews

[Dalton Holt]

This is a nice piece. Has strong, vivid imagery. You can see, smell, and feel scenes of autumn by reading this. Well written, the repetition really adds a nice effect, but there's a mistake in the use of the word "descend." "I catch two or three, before they descend." Descend means to move or fall downward. What you meant by those lines was you caught some falling leaves before they hit the ground. But what you actually said was, you caught the leaves before they started to fall, while they were still on the tree's branches. Aside from this little mistake, it's a good poem that I enjoyed reading.

[Bookish Brooks]

Thank you for the review. I thought about what you were saying with descend and it bothered me, but I like the sound of it. I've messed with it a few times but nothing else flows as easily. I will make some revisions soon.

[Dalton Holt]

Maybe you should try "while down they descend." it has the same five syllable rhythm.

[Bookish Brooks]

I like the sound of that too. I record poems to really hear the rhythm of them. I'll try it with that line. Thank you for the suggestion. :)

[Don't just B, but B ama..]

Damn, I was just laying on my back in a pile of leaves in the fall trying to catch a few as they fell. WoW, great descriptive writing, had me right inside that world. Thanks for sharing, keep writing!

[Bookish Brooks]

Thank you. :)