Passion

A Poem by Alem

Short Poem about being successful

I love passion but our minds play tricks on us but our hearts always stay the same.Without it we would lose our minds because your heart is the way too go and not your mind. Light in our eyes reflex where we go but our brain hides our needs in pain. So follow your passion and your heart desires with out it we will be trapped in our mind.

By

Alem

© 2017 Alem

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Ethan

Grammar corrections/optional edits:

I love passion but our minds play tricks on us. However, our hearts always stay the same. Without passion, we would lose our sanity for you must follow your heart and not your mind. The light in our eyes reflects where we go but our brain hides our desires inside pain. So follow your passion and your heart's desires. Without these things we will be trapped inside our mind.

Comments:

Okay, I'm writing completely honest reviews now, so this may sound harsh but I'm critiquing your work, not you as a person. This should not be considered a poem. I can deal with spelling errors and poor syntax if there are redeeming poetic qualities hidden below the mistakes, but this has no such qualities. It's just a few oddly written sentences trying to teach readers a lesson that in and of itself is good, but makes no sense. I appreciate what you're trying to go for here, but it feels so rushed. This is not prose and it's certainly not poetry. It's like something I would find in a motivational speaker's notebook. A little tidbit, or "nugget" to start your day off with. So, first, look up poetry on the internet. Look at structure, look at the way famous free-verse poets have honed their craft. It's a popular misconception that "free-verse" means you can write whatever the heck you want. There are still foundational metric and alliterative requirements for any poetic endeavor, or it simply isn't classified as a poem. Then, second, next time you sit down to write, take your time. When you've finished writing, look back at what you've written and edit it. Try to make it as clear as possible. Run it through a spellchecking system. Compare it to the work of famous artists. Then, only after you have tweaked and tinkered with your piece to the point where you believe you have personally done all you can to make the poem great, should you turn it over to others for advice and criticism. I don't mean to be rude here, I just want to help you find your own poetic voice. Thanks for the read request and have a nice day :)

Posted 7 Years Ago

Grammar corrections/optional edits:

I love passion but our minds play tricks on us. However, our hearts always stay the same. Without passion, we would lose our sanity for you must follow your heart and not your mind. The light in our eyes reflects where we go but our brain hides our desires inside pain. So follow your passion and your heart's desires. Without these things we will be trapped inside our mind.

Comments:

Okay, I'm writing completely honest reviews now, so this may sound harsh but I'm critiquing your work, not you as a person. This should not be considered a poem. I can deal with spelling errors and poor syntax if there are redeeming poetic qualities hidden below the mistakes, but this has no such qualities. It's just a few oddly written sentences trying to teach readers a lesson that in and of itself is good, but makes no sense. I appreciate what you're trying to go for here, but it feels so rushed. This is not prose and it's certainly not poetry. It's like something I would find in a motivational speaker's notebook. A little tidbit, or "nugget" to start your day off with. So, first, look up poetry on the internet. Look at structure, look at the way famous free-verse poets have honed their craft. It's a popular misconception that "free-verse" means you can write whatever the heck you want. There are still foundational metric and alliterative requirements for any poetic endeavor, or it simply isn't classified as a poem. Then, second, next time you sit down to write, take your time. When you've finished writing, look back at what you've written and edit it. Try to make it as clear as possible. Run it through a spellchecking system. Compare it to the work of famous artists. Then, only after you have tweaked and tinkered with your piece to the point where you believe you have personally done all you can to make the poem great, should you turn it over to others for advice and criticism. I don't mean to be rude here, I just want to help you find your own poetic voice. Thanks for the read request and have a nice day :)

Rating /100