Three

They say death comes in threes...

I read these sayings, about living your life to the fullest, with no regrets. Any pessimistic, introverted person knows it’s easier said than done. I try waking up in the morning, just to see how living one day without regrets and to its fullest would feel like. But as soon as I open my eyes and enter reality and exit the confines of my room, my day is already shot. And, if there was a way I could go back in time, I honestly wouldn’t take it; something worse would happen, for sure, for that’s my luck.

 

I am filled with regrets I’ve never touched on, purposely, because it just hurts too much. Again, I’ve added another one, when, in my heart, I knew there was nothing I could do this time.

 

But every time I say that, I feel like I’m just telling myself that to feel better.

 

If I wasn’t too childish enough to come to terms with the fact that my father and his friends where there for me more than my mother, maybe I would have been visibly attached to him. It took him dying to realize how much I loved him and how the last thing he ever knew about me was the thought I didn’t love him.

 

If I stayed with Melissa more than I once we left high school, even the tinest bit, instead of slowly going our own ways, maybe, by some chance, I could have intervened in her murder, somehow.

 

If I kept in touch with Marissa and the others, maybe I would have been with her that night and taken her home, instead of letting her get in the car drunk out of her mind.

 

If I had paid closer attention to Kate, had picked up any subtle hints she might have given, just as I did all those years ago with Kevin, maybe she wouldn’t have hung herself last night.

 

I know, I know that these things were out of my control, out of my hands, and not determined by what I did and did not do. I know this, and I hate it, because it means that I am accepting that it doesn’t make a difference what I do, some things never change or would have changed. And I keep hoping that they can, and they will.

 

But if there’s one thing I learned… (three girls, same age range, three months and three days apart) is that, unfortunately, death comes in threes, and it doesn’t play around. It just hurts in the worst way possible.

 

And it’s never pretty or as scripted, believable, and unregrettable like in the movies.

Reviews

[<3beneathstars;]

haha, i'm a huge pessemist, and when i read 'Any pessimistic, introverted person knows it’s easier said than done.' i smiled a little to myself. because it's so unbelievably true but so terribly sad.
this piece is great .i really enjoyed it. keep writing.