Untitled.

everyone has their vices.

Why do I let you control me?
My thoughts, my actions, my life.
Why do I hand over my emotions into your death grip, not realizing my
life is slowing being sucked away from me? How can you trick me into the
smallest things and turn them into the hardest battle of my exsistance.
You take something so simple, flip it on its head and now I can't
figure out which way is up. Your mask of deception changes like the
chameleon, setting a trap in which I get snagged into every time.

I must take a stand and remove you, or myself from this addictiveness.
Strong, and proud I pose with great confidence only to be sucker punched
the second my eyes loose focus. Back to square one- for the 4th time or
was it 5th, I lost count. With the attitude of defeat and with a body
and mind filled with no more than the fumes of exhaustion I stare you in
the eye. Painful, sorrowful tears well and then fall as an expression
of my wits end, my last stand. My body collapses in despair and my mind
follows its shadow. YOU WON! You can take it all, just make me feel
better. Internalized faster than the shot of a gun and I can countdown
til I feel again.

Fearing the end, I don't know what to do.