Finding the Balance- Part Two something.

Today was another City epic adventure on a grand scale, with the same City crew: Lily, Jane, and Stradfield. After Stradfield met up at the rendevous with the Tennessee crew, we frove around in the rain, looking for "a sweet place to tag". We listen to an old DCFC record, Transatlanticism, and with everything that was happening at that moment in time, in that very back seat, I felt infinite. But the girls didn't understand, they didn't get it. It made me feel depressed.

It seems they didn't really get much in those days. They weren't very observant, ya know? Which made me paranoid. Am I being unobservant? Is there something much bigger that I'm missing here? Have I become a new integral part of this clusterfuck of a constitutional conglomaration? I thought to myself about this. It troubled me so. Once we arived at the "dope city spot" to "spray paint some sick s**t", I sat down in a lawn chair, and pondered things. I opened up my mind, expanding, realizing what actually was going on, and this isn't even in my own mind, I know my intuition is experienced now:

Lily was too fried, having delt with the death of her father, the closest person ever to her, the backlash with her mother, and having to now deal with her best friends for years leaving her, and Jayne was off in her own sick sad little world, thinking about Stradfield, and how he was leaving in a few hours on some bullshit music quest where he believes his so called "inate talent and excessive marketing skills" will make him "Oprah Rich", and how Lily was leaving for college soon, and her next photo shoot, and how hungry she was but didn't eat, and that made me even more depressed, because now I couldn't stop thinking about how after Stradfield and Lily both left, she would hang out with me like we use to, and how we would talk, and connect, and feel so close, and how I would be too much of a p***y to say anything, or do anything, or make a move at all, and how she's too pretty and perfect for me, and how she'll ultimetaly end up with Stradfield, just like f*****g always, and how sad it will make everyone, and no one will know what's going on, or how to feel, or what to think, everyone's confused, everyone's to blame, and how much I don't want anyone to know how bad I hurt right now, and how much I just want to get out of this hellhole if I ever want to keep what's left of my sanity, but, I'll be ok, because I have to be ok, like the saying goes, "Buy the ticket, take the ride", and this was my ride for the taking, and I was determined to do whatever it took to make it successful, in the most unorthadox, inconoclasmatic way possible, and god damnit, I was gonna have fun, loving the wind in your face, enjoying these moments while they last