Finding The Balance- Part One, Chapter Three

I didn't get to really know Jack that well until that fateful senior year of mine. Up until then, I floated around from series of friends to series of friends. I didn't feel fake, like the other poseur kids who did that just to make friends. I have always been a very social person, so it's second nature for me to cling to people. Every group of friends I had up until then were all different. My elementary school friends, which now are all fat, lethargic cubicle workers with a high tolerance to alcohol and a high mortgage they can barely afford because of their spoiled a*s kid who needs brand new s**t every day, all changed when we moved up into junior high. Something big like that can change people for the worse. They started dressing differently, talking differently, acting stranger. I didn't like that. I decided to separate myself from that.

You see, my father and I had never had a good relationship. I guess you could say we never really had a relationship.I used to get into arguments with him all the time when I was younger. After Junior High though, I just avoided him completely. I know I only get one father and all, but I've never considered him "Dad". He's always been Kenny, or Adolf, or Mr. Sir. Never "Dad", or "Pops", or anything. We would always argue over the most mundane of things. S**t that just doesn't matter, now or later, you know? But in HIS mind, he had to be right. I've never heard him make a valid point in an argument. I've never heard him make a valid point, period. What he does, is he spins things. Spinning circles is what I call them. When people don't know what to argue about, they just spin things. They spin em' their way. They talk in circles. What I'm trying to say is people just say the same thing over and over again to try to prove their point. They never want you to try to explain the other side of the story, situation, or ANY other side for that matter. They're too stubborn.They don't want to admit that they might be at fault, or ever worse, wrong. They create these rhetorical/irrational hurdles, with unbelievable answers, expecting a competent human to give a logical answer to them, and become enthralled when no reasonable answer can be given. They're defensive of their territory, unwilling to give even a single inch of space. They always want the floor, but there's always room for more.

I never wanted to compromise myself, and I prolly learned that from my older sister, Janae. She graduated from high school six years before I did. She was a hard worker. I think she was an over-achiever. But. Now she graduated from college and has a job as a teacher. So, if that's what she wanted, that's what she got. When my sister was in high school, she was sort of a big nerd. She was in to anime, those old school japanese action cartoon shows. She used to collect figurine models and build them. I asked her why she did this, why she didn't do other things that would make her cool, and she bluntly told me," James, you don't have to conform to other people. You can do what you want to do. Do what scares you, do what makes you happy. Just don't ever give in to other people." From then on, I took that message to heart. I just wish Janae could have. Now, she is one of the biggest hypocrites I know. She goes to this evangelical church now, where she is being brainwashed by some fat idiot in a robe, reading from a book he can barely comprehend. She slanders people now, she thinks she is so high above everyone else. No one else is as good as her, or good enough for her. What happened? I truly do miss her so. It's been about seven years since I've seen her. I miss my older Sissy.