Finding The Balance- Part One, Chapter One

During those times, people were always half-assedly planning for the future. "I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that, then I'm going here for this". About five percent of them actually followed through with any of their childhood ideal dreams. People would always say," Jimmy, what are you going to do?" Now, of course I couldn't just say," I'm going nowhere in life and I know it!", so I said something more conventional," I'm going to be a writer." You can't tell people all the truth all the time. Besides, no one actually wants to admit they're a failure, too. I didn't come here to beat myself down. This is depressing to think about. Digression.

One of the best times of my life, which escalated into one of the worst times of my life, all started with this:" My dad is out of town." Sampson's dad left for Hawaii, over his f*****g birthday weekend. Responsible parent much? Anyways. Usually, our parties had been pretty weak. We all just needed an escape, so we rushed towards cheap booze and bad weed. But this time was different. This was a scene straight out of a high school movie. Except with us, the losers, the Crazy Fools, finally as protagonists in our own little homemade story. Pool party after pool party after pool party. We decided it would be socially acceptable to hang out with the opposite sex. One particular moment out of that alcohol-laden adventure sticks out to me, more vividly than anything else I can remember that night. There was a beautiful loner, with brunette hair, and dazzling blue eyes, in this beautiful green party dress, sitting all by herself, texting on her cell phone. The look in her eyes was something different. Like. Girls don't usually have this aura, this ambiance about them. But she did. I was drawn, like Americans to TV's, to this strange but lovely stranger. Now, normally I wouldn't have said anything, I would've left her off in her own world. But. Something was different about her. Something I new that wouldn't be around for a long time. I thought to myself(or maybe the alcohol said to me)," Come on, Jimmy. This is your chance. Make a f*****g move." So I grabbed a beer and a shot and approached the girl. I attempted to say," Hey, nice to meet you, my name is JImmy Hunter, would you like a drink?". Instead I said," Hye thire dawrlingg, jjuhhst wunted tooo sehhhyyy uuuurrrr coote." She laughed. It was a success. Drunk mumbling was funny to this goddess. She said her name was Jayne. Jayne Lydia Gallagher. I'll never forget that woman. We ended up jumping off the roof into the pool together, naked. We chain smoked cigarettes and talked about things, like music from the past, and vintage movies. She plays guitar, and her Grammpa bought her this incredible Fender Stratocaster, one of the very first ones ever made. It doesn't work, and needs to be updated, but she doesn't want to do that. She likes it just the way it is.

Overall the night was a success. Only two fights broke out. No one died, or puked. Someone hooked up on the hammock and broke it. As for me, Jayne and I laid down together in Sampson's bed, as he passed out on the roof. It was different. Somehow I knew something much bigger was unfolding, even if no one else could notice it. That's one thing I'm good at. I can find things really miniscule and get the most meaning out of them. Jayne and I shared things. I usually am very shy when it comes to these sort of things. She asked me if I wanted to show her what I was made of. I wanted to yes, but I didn't want to break anything. It was too fragile yet. I said," I will show you another time. Fair Deal?" And she understood. She was the first girl, no, the first woman who understood me. She got it. She had it. I thought she was a myth. If I only knew what I know now back then...

When I woke up that horrible morning after the night that was the death of our civilized selves, I was surprised to find Jayne still in the same bed with myself. I figured she would have seen myself in the bed, realized what she did, and left. But no. She was awake when I was up. She had even made me breakfast. I don't even know where she got the food, because our drunchies devoured all the food in the house. Jayne went to her house and got some antiseptic. I was puzzled at first, then I realized I had giant gauges in my ear. God damnit Jimmy, I thought, you're mom is definitely going to kill you. Oh well. Even though my life was fading away, and my body was decaying, I had Jayne. That's all that mattered back then.

I had always thought of myself as a very intelligent, quick person. Ever since I was little, I knew I was different. However, more and more, I seem to be losing it. My vocabulary is fading. It seems as if I'm slowly de-progressing into a lower life version of myself. No. I'm losing myself. Everybody was losing me at that time. I became harder to reach, more disconnected, and more apathetic than ever. I had thoughts that weren't my own at this time. Someone else was inside my head. He was a true friend though. He had my best interest at heart. I was going full-blown insane. I was driving a steam engine train directly into the unfathomable mental decay. And I didn't give a s**t. I had Jayne. And that's all that mattered back then. But all I could think about was Jack.

Reviews

[Talismanic]

Definetely a hint of Salinger here... Awsome. Even if this is still the early stages, you have a great mastery of character and language; this will go places.

[Jack Shellfish]

This is like Holden Caulfield with a cell phone. Your writing is very good, keep up the good work.