Some Days

When you feel too much, sometimes you begin to feel nothing.

On some days,
I visit you.
On some days,
I can push myself
to be happy enough
to visit you.
On some days,
it's easier to pretend
that I want to take the time
to visit you.

On some days,
I'll visit in the morning.
Your eyes are bloodshot,
your hands are shaking.
You're not dressed,
your bones peek out
from your dressing gown.
On those days,
I sigh.
Here we go again.

On some days,
I'll come in the afternoon.
Curtains are open,
music is playing.
You're smiling,
Writing, drawing,
"Could you please draw me?"
On those days,
we laugh.
I want to feel this again.

On some days,
I'll stop by in the evening.
There's blood on the walls,
red glass on the floor.
You're in bed,
curled up tightly
to hide what you've done.
On those days,
I cry.
Here we go again.

On some days,
I'll not visit you at all.
I don't want to see
your misery.
You're alone,
doing God knows what,
but I don't want to see!
On those days,
I'm numb.
I just want to feel again.

On some days,
I care enough about you
to try to help you pull through.
I'll visit you.
On some days,
I have to force myself
to watch you break.
I visit you.
On some days,
I don't visit.

It kills me to visit.
Some day,
you'll want us both to live again.

Author's Note

Another experiment! New structure, new everything.
Being the only positive thing in someone's life is exhausting - as it the guilt that consumes you when you can't take it anymore.

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

A totally honest account of how another we know and love , can have a dreadful effect on how we feel. This may be as a result of addictions or other illness, but it is totally relatable. Some days we have to look after ourselves in order we get the strength for future visits. Conveyed with feeling.

Chris

[Blysful]

Thank you so much for reviewing. Dreadful indeed!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i like this...could be literal or figurative.
My dad spent about a year in a dementia unit...good days and bad...recognizing his kids and grand kids one day and then not the next....He did activities on some days, other days he just slept...
but this could also be that one person who just has given up on life most days...positivism only showing up once in awhile...and it wears on us...not that we don't care...we do....just takes too much out of us.
another very strong write.
j.

[Blysful]

thank you so much! it’s very kind of you to say

[AliciaB]

This poem definitely ranks among my favorites of your works I've read so far. Not for being happy - it's an incredibly sad piece - but for its beauty and expressiveness. This poem is so honest, sometimes brutally so, about the reality of being, like you said, the only positive thing in someone's life. It is indeed exhausting. Thankfully, I've never been in a situation this extreme, but I have known people who beat themselves up a lot mentally and emotionally, and as a result, have few other friends to turn to in a situation in which they definitely need compassion and support. I've tried to be that person they can turn to and receive help from, but it's stressful and difficult, and at times I just want to get away from them for my own sanity's sake. But I also know that I'm likely the only one willing to help them in those times. You captured that inner conflict perfectly with this poem.

Now for the elements of the poem itself.... I like the repetition of "Here we go again", especially with the sneakily-rhyming "I sigh" and "I cry". The repeated use of "On some days" also does an excellent job of illustrating the cyclical, painful, inescapable nature of this experience. The fourth stanza was especially moving for me - the image of "blood on the walls, / red glass on the floor" is shocking and powerful. The lines, "One some days / I have to force myself / to watch you break" are also deeply emotional. This poem is incredible in its entirety. You have done a beautiful job of expressing the pain of both someone suffering from this intense depression and someone who is trying to bring joy to that person's life. Excellent work!

[Blysful]

This is a wonderful review - thank you, so very much! I'm very glad that you've never gone through the extreme, and hope that should you ever have to, you'll have plenty of friends to help :) I'm honoured by your kind words, so now I'm just gonna go smile at every person who walks past me and confuse every grumpy one of them! :D

[AliciaB]

That sounds fantastic. :)