If Ever I Could Wish

If ever there were whispers,
if ever there was doubt
I wish you could have waited
just to hear me out
If ever there were questions,
if you ever had a qualm
I wish you'd cared to ask
instead of causing harm

You loved me once, I know.
Of that I am quite sure.
I wish you loved me as
you loved me once before

If you ever reconsider,
if you ever change your mind
I wish we could start over
(if you ever felt inclined)
If you ever realise,
if you ever think it through
I wish you'd understand
I'd been loyal to you

You loved me once, it's clear
or you'd not be so cruel.
I wish I'd never met you!
- But that is not quite true

If ever I recover,
If ever I pull through
I wish that all this heartbreak
will lead to a breakthrough
If ever I gain strength,
if ever I learn courage
I wish you'd stay away
and allow me to flourish

You loved me once, you swore.
So though we're 'enemies'
I wish you all the happiness
that you've taken from me

Author's Note

Oh my goodness I've never struggled so much with a title. Ahem.
Nothing is more bittersweet than being incapable of hating someone you once loved.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This poem might be the best demonstration of AMBIVALENCE ever! One minute, hot . . . the next minute, cold. It's so true to life, the way you've portrayed the struggle to "hate someone you once loved" (as you so perfectly stated in your authors note). This is just a bag of mixed feelings, but not messy or confused or choppy. It's perfectly stated for maximum clarity.

The first stanza really hits home becuz of all the people in my life, once loved ones, but they just disappear with no explanation. And now I've started doing it. I disappear becuz explanations are just too freakin' futile, most of the time. I think this has become a way of doing business, in the love dept.

This poem delivers all these conflicting feelings & pain & disappointment. There's also a gentle wistfulness thru-out, which contrasts with the pain, so it just makes a delicious stew of mixed feelings.

Not only is the message hitting home for me, but I just simply enjoy the word crafting thru-out, choosing exactly the perfect words in almost every case. I say "almost" becuz this one line seems a little out of sorts to me, compared to the smoothness of every other line: "that I'd been loyal to you" (last line of 3rd stanza). I usually prefer shorter titles, but this one works for me.

[Blysful]

Thank you so much for this extremely well thought out and wonderful review! It's so amazing to me that you could think so much about this little poem of mine ^.^ I agree with you about that loyal line, and I've reworded it a couple of times so I'll see what I can do :)

[Curtis.Lenker]

This has such emotion to it. I know what its like to loose and love and still want to be with them. Want to see them after how much hurt they caused and you ask yourself why. Great work here. I love it. Thank you for sharing.

[Blysful]

Thank you for taking the time to read and review, and the biggest thanks of all for feeling something :)

[Curtis.Lenker]

Keep up the great work. :)

[Érenn]

This is a feeling that so easily resonates within my heart and even soul. Love like this definitely leaves a sour after-taste, but to move on on happy terms is indeed hard. To wish your partner happiness in the future is tougher. Loved it.

[Blysful]

Thank you :D I'm overjoyed that this resonated with someone. Truly! 💖