Terrible Creatures

Extremely disjointed and long - a tale of Terrible Creatures and naivety.

The man came at dusk,
as he did everyday,
covered in blood and in dust
with a terrible smell
whom's odour could fell
the wolf and the fey.
I ushered him in
and then sat him down,
and offered a strong tasting gin.
When he took up the glass
not dare did I ask
what this time he'd found.
Indeed he looked pale,
dark-eyed and weary,
misfortune a ship he did sail
but despite his tired looks
and his hands that shook
his posture was wary.
The cross at his neck
shone faintly in light
and so subtly, I did check
for the bite mark of a beast
whom's favourite feast
lay in blood at night.
He came wondering
for the man did seek
to end all the plundering
of the monsters, thus named
for they killed and maimed,
and fed from the weak.
"The vampires clan"'
he confessed to me
"when we stormed, took many a man.
It was as you had said;
when the men first bled
they fought in a frenzy."
He had won the fight,
but bare saved his own throat,
so I shared my knowledge of night
Walkers whose disguise
had fooled many eyes
so down local rumours I wrote.
Then the man was off
to hunt night-walkers,
and returned a month later, put off.
"I searched but found none!
Nor a clue - not one!"
"They're dangerous stalkers",
I said to the man.
"Terrible creatures."
I licked my protruding fangs
and stood from my bed.
"It's been a while since I fed."
He stared in horror at my features.

Author's Note

Wrote this years ago, so any advice/suggestions more than welcome!

Reviews

[Érenn]

OMG, wow you wrote this years ago? It's funny but every poem i read of yours i find something unique about it. I haven't read all your works till now, i must confess. Still this one is very different, twisted no doubt about it. I am not sure if changes are needed or not. Because i am new to this as well so at this moment all I can do is improve and come to this page from time to time to spot if there is something that can help it become more gripping and spine tingling. ^^ I loved it.