Greed

 Greed.

It’s a powerful emotion

More powerful than I could have ever imagined.

And guess what?

Yep.

I’m in its clutches.

They say the grass is always greener

On the other side.

…

And this time…

They were right.

 

I’m addicted.

I knew this would happen

But I never knew it would be this deep.

I’ve always known my personality

Naturally inclined myself to becoming

Addicted.

But it’s never been on this level before.

Never.

 

So what do I do?

I can’t live with it

Can’t live without it

Rehab? Ha! If only it existed.

I’m f*****g insane, right?

Ironic how I tell myself I won’t let this happen

And then it does.

Or naïve

“You’re so naïve, yet so…”

Plays over and over in my head.

 

I joke.

I say I’m fine.

But a matter of unoccupied hours later

And I’m craving for more.

S**t, mere minutes after you’re gone

And I’m already begging for more.

But you’re too f*****g far away.

Too far for me to do anything about it.

What the hell would Mom do if I took the car?

I don’t wanna find out.

The benefits don’t outweigh the risks.

Benefits:

Satisfied addiction.

Risks:

Unsatisfied addiction.

Long term.

And I can’t afford that.

So I cope.

Ha! Is that what they call this?

Coping?

I’m failing miserably.

And in a few short days,

My preoccupations end.

Then what?

My addiction as elusive as ever

And I’ve got no pastime.

Lucky me.

F**k my life.

I’m so confused.

If only I knew the answer

My predicament wouldn’t be so rough.

If only I knew the answer…

Or maybe I do?

Words I dare not say to your face

And only vaguely allow myself to think.

A temporary panacea, or further destruction.

I guess the latter, but anything to rid the pain.

Right?

Who do I blame? How do I trace these roots?

Yeah, I’m chivalrous, but that doesn’t explain this?

So what? Is it that I’ve never had this level of reciprocation?

Mmk, let’s run with that.

So a lifetime of rejection and overall awkwardness

Forces me to latch on to anyone?

We always want what we can’t have.

And I couldn’t.

But now that I do…

I’m never gonna let you go?

Makes sense on the surface.

You’re different. Real. Opposite.

I’ve never had anyone like you.

Never thought you were possible.

At least, not to like me too.

Everything about you screams “girl”

From your sexy curves

The way you move

The way you flirt

The total control you have over me

To the way you get shy when we’re together

The way you apologize for things that aren’t your fault

The way you break down and

Allow yourself to be vulnerable

Around me.

The way you soften your voice

And play innocent.

I’ve never had that.

But I’ve always wanted it.

Just told myself that would come later.

Hell, I know I’m sensitive.

Just ask me, I’ll tell you

“I’m as close to gay as you can get while still being straight”

But you…

You bring out my natural instinct.

No one’s done that before.

Years of training can’t destroy instinct.

And you’re the catalyst to awaken this dormant volcano.

So here I lie

Helpless

Lulled into a false sense of security

And dominance

When you’re the one who holds the power.

Oh s**t.

You with the power.

Thankfully I have a couple advantages on you

Hopefully you don’t discover you’re stronger than them.

I only hope that things are different now then, say, 8 months ago.

Because if they’re not…

…

I shudder at the thought.

It can’t be real.

It can’t be possible.

Life sucks when this ends.

Can anyone say…

Depression?

Reviews

[just is]

Wow such a long write, Love the last stanza alot.
This is really good, love the powerfulness.
Awesome!

[jennifer little]

wonderful poetry great job keep up the good work

[alexlessah]

Very nice job, I love this!

[GreenSkeleton16]

wow that was a crazy poem! :) good title to describe it. good job!!

[Tara♥Undefined&h..]

i love that it was great keep up the good work