The Friend Next Door

 Mmm

This one’s a long time coming isn’t it?

But my head is a dangerous place to

Lock myself

But Oh! How so often do I do it.

 

In all the craze

I’m finally back to the one place that makes sense.

This notepad (word document, whatever)

Where my thoughts transform themselves

Into tangible ideas.

 

But deeper than thoughts this time

Are questions.

And my piece-by-piece analysis that

Makes total sense in my mind.

Too bad you’ll never read these questions,

Learn my answers,

Gain that little insight into how I think.

 

You know me perhaps better than everyone

Save one important person.

I find it hilarious that my ex happens to be the one

Who sees you as I do;

Understands all my confusion.

Bouncing ideas back and forth,

Each of us helping with the other’s personal lives.

Are we really ex-es?

Nah

Probably not in a traditional sense.

Two weeks? Sure… Great time to become great friends.

Still… it counts for something right?

 

But I digress… it’s you we’re focusing on tonight

Well… every night… and most of my writing nights

But still… you nonetheless.

I think I’ve finally got it figured out

But to further help me understand it

(And to leave whoever reads this in just

A little more suspense)

I’ll lay it out bit by bit…

 

Where to begin though…

I guess Christmas is the best place to start.

Maybe a bit before then…

But that time.

You were a cute girl.

Rival school? Didn’t matter.

That was the purpose of our group, right?

Hmm… but your best friend, or one of them,

That was the problem right?

Maybe not at first

How dare I go for her instead!

But… I didn’t choose that.

Alex did…

 

Wait…

Alex did…

Haha wow… revelations in my own writing.

Eh we’ll add it to the puzzle.

Is that why you hate Alex?

Because Alex and I with his set-up dates

Wasn’t how you wanted it to be?

Hmm… interesting thing to note…

 

Anyway.

Homecoming.

That was his deal not mine.

And I’d been single for a while.

Not the easiest thing for me if you didn’t know.

And yeah, she’s a great person.

But I didn’t know you then.

 

So you weren’t the rebound.

I hope you know that.

But that still doesn’t cut it.

Christmas.

KC.

Yeah… you remember the night.

You couldn’t just let me have that night could you

No.

And you wonder why my mom doesn’t like you.

That’s the only reason.

She could give a s**t less about the party

Trust me…

You’ve known her for a few months.

I’ve known her for years.

 

So KC.

And afterwards

We didn’t talk for a while.

What was there to say?

You still liked your ex?

It happens.

Rob me of a ‘full’ relationship?

Sure.

I’d definitely rather not have you

Than not have a full relationship.

Total bullshit.

And I know that now.

 

Since I’m on the tangent train tonight

This is another good place to stop

Yeah, my sister.

She doesn’t like you either.

Why?

Because you hurt me.

Yeah.

You did.

KC was a rough night.

Ugh I was a mess.

But I know better.

She doesn’t like me talking to you

Because she’s afraid I’m gonna get hurt again.

But I know better.

I don’t expect anything from you.

 

Back on track now.

So we had a brief fallout.

Didn’t talk much.

Nothing to say.

Awkward…

But then I had the party.

Yeah, you were invited.

Couldn’t have a party without you, could we?

And honestly… what triggered it…

My re-interest.

Was seeing you lying on my bed.

Haha I bet the readers are thinking way dirtier

I bet it gets even more interesting if I say there were

3 girls on my bed.

But it was you I focused on.

You’ve got a great body.

Just sayin’.

But maybe… just maybe you were worth another shot.

Maybe you weren’t the sadistic b***h I saw in you the

First time around.

Mmhmm… that was a fun roller-coaster.

“David’s gonna ask you some questions”

“You don’t need to worry about that anymore…”

“Next time you see me… we’ll talk about it”

Did we talk… of course not.

I’m not that strong… wow… almost typed your name.

 

So I decided to text you again.

And one text became 2

Which became 10

Which became 50

Which became 200

Yeah. I’m not sure how many there were

But it turned into all damn day.

And ya know what?

It was fun.

I found myself… smiling again.

“We need to do this more often”

“Yeah, we do…”

Alright. Friends. I can do that right?

F**k no.

Wait… I don’t know that yet…

 

So we start talking daily.

All day.

About whatever.

You’re randomness is a god-send.

Haha more irony.

 

And then that night.

Which night? Who knows.

Certainly not me.

Which means certainly not you.

Ah well… I remember the events of that night clearly.

Inevitable ring a bell?

Anberlin?

Wow… still brings back those bad memories.

Still can’t listen to that song.

Oh yeah… you just so happen to remember that

Detail about me.

But you don’t remember what happened yesterday

Let alone what happened months ago.

But that you remember.

Something else to note.

Oh, you wish I could be there.

But I wouldn’t talk to you about this in person

I’m too insecure

But ‘things’ happen when you talk to boys

And comfort them don’t they?

Now would they happen because you want them to

Or because you’d get caught up in the moment.

Actions speak louder than words don’t they?

You’d want to, but you say it was the moment.

Why?

Because if you want to it’d force a relationship.

Heaven forbid that happen.

Too serious right? Too serious too quick?

Right… you don’t know me well do you?

Why did I break up with my last girlfriend?

Oh yeah… she was obsessed.

Upset that we were planning on different colleges.

Eh.. I’ll leave that one alone.

We’re focusing on you… not her.

Point still stands.

I’m not serious.

But whatever… that’s your ordeal.

 

But I like you too.

Of course

After you decide you don’t wanna date

The guy you like tells you he likes you

Oh the irony.

But you’re stubborn, aren’t you?

Aren’t you?

Probably a little too stubborn.

No matter.

So the flirting starts.

Haha nothing phases us…

Not after the party.

 

And just last night I put these pieces together.

Remember that night you told me

I had to go to all your plays.

Or else you’d drug me and force me to watch?

Yeah… you could make me feel good without drugs.

Haha I don’t think so?

Oh! That’s a lie?

Prove it.

 

And what came next absolutely shocked me. Kinda.

 

You’ve thought about it. But never acted on it? But definitely

Thought about it.

 

It’s the thought that counts, right?

I wish.

 

Oh… and I definitely forgot the night

I proved to you that words

Are just as destructive as fists.

Actually, in my opinion, better.

They don’t leave marks

And do absolutely horrid damage.

Do you think about that as often as I do?

Almost nightly I wonder if things

Would’ve been different.

I really want you to know that

I truly am sorry.

You bring it up… occasionally.

I always want to apologize.

But never do.

So I guess I’ll do it here.

I’m really sorry.

Really really sorry.

I never meant for that to happen.

My anger is passive…

Better than active?

Well… that’s what I am.

And that’s what you deal with.

 

So then last night.

You slept on your couch.

My couches are more comfy.

But not as comfy as my bed.

So you should sleep on my couch?

I said the bed was more comfy… *wink*

Now I’m talking like you aren’t I?

Is that good or bad?

Mmm… of course I can’t know.

That’d be too… revealing wouldn’t it?

Not for my sake.

For your sake.

You don’t wanna deal with that, do you?

Do you?

It scares you doesn’t it

That you could actually care for someone

The way you do for me.

But you won’t date.

Will you?

Nah.

I’m good at assumptions right?

 

How’d I do?

 

Oh yeah… you won’t read this.

You’ll never be affored the opportunity.

Unless… nah. You couldn’t be

The odds are so small…

But you do write.

But you don’t know I’m here

So even if you were…

I’ll take those odds.

I like math, remember?

 

1428 words later

And I think I’m almost done.

 

I guess if you ever read this, I’d like for you to let me know

And you’ll be subtle about it.

But I don’t pick up hints.

Not my expertise.

 

I’m just not sure what to think anymore

I’m just not sure what to think.

I’m just not sure.

I’m just not.

 

I wish I knew what ran through that

Pretty little head of yours.

 

But I just don’t.

I just can’t.

I just won’t unless you choose to let me in.

 

But you won’t.

You can’t.

It’d make you face a reality

That maybe you don’t wanna face.

 

So you don’t.

And I’ll always be the guy next door.

I’ll always be the friend next door.

The friend next door.

The friend next door.