the stars and the moon and everything in between

Oh, my love
Can’t you see?
You deserve the universe.
The stars and the moon
Handed to you on a golden platter
Surrounded by red roses
And everything sweet in this world.
Yet I’m floating around this empty sky
alone
All because we’re led to believe
We should accept the love
We think we deserve.
So I’ll wait patiently
With a hand full of stars
Until you deem yourself worthy enough
To accept my galaxy

I hope you realise soon.

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

wow, to be the subject of this poem....but alas, yes, often we love from afar never imagining we are enough for that person to love us back.
reminds me of someone in my youth...such a crush, but she never knew...i never felt she would "accept my galaxy"---
quite a write here.
j.

[Emily]

Thanks for the feedback! I’m glad I can write something that relates to other people ☺️

[Anne’sRants]

Absolutely beautiful. Its finding someone deserving of that handful of stars, I find is the greater struggle here

[Emily]

Isn’t that the truth ~ thank you!

[Lyanth]

I've said things along these lines to someone I love, It's sadly very true that we are made to underrate ourselves a lot, humbleness is one thing, but self-derogation is another.
Good write, beautiful, touching words.

[Emily]

Thank you so much ☺️

[Vin]

And your work deserves a big applause. Works like this spreads positivity.
That's what writer's should do- to make readers realise what we deserve in this beautiful world.
Sending love that you deserve:)

[Emily]

Thanks a lot ☺️ Glad you enjoyed

[emipoemi]

The concept is divine, and I must say I've been in that situation a couple of times myself. If you don't mind my giving a couple of suggestions for improvement, though:

- "Yet I'm floating......sky alone" (that "alone" could have its own line for emphatic power, and it would also enrich the musicality a bit....as well as the aesthetics of the piece).

- "because we're led to believe/We may accept the love....." (the two "to"'s is a bit awkward with the message your wanting to convey.....also it better alludes to the Wallflower quote and smooths out the musicality)

- "With a hand full of stars.........to accept my galaxy" (The galaxy line is divine. But the fact that "a hand full of stars" is related to the same subject doesn't work, given a galaxy is bigger, and the "I" of the poem wants this person to accept their love and is waiting [patiently] until they do. But the hand full of stars, despite being a powerful line mars the power of the progression rather and enhances it because you're treating both lines with the same subject)

- That last line wouldn't hurt to have a "this" or "it" before "soon" (for musicality purposes)

But apart from those, this is a gem. A well-crafted beauty! Well done!

[Emily]

Wow!!!! Thank you for the advice, I appreciate you putting time into reading and analysing. I’ll take your comments into account, thanks again ☺️

[emipoemi]

my pleasure.