Nightwalker

300 words

One of her hobbies was night walking and often during the week, late in the evening she would set off dressed for a hike. I wasn't that worried about her as she looked quite formidable, a figure of strength and capability in her knee length waterproof overcoat and hat with its own guttering for rainstorms. I watched her as the scurry of her feet took her up the hill, her scarf waving in the breeze. Behind her the moon stood full and bright, unblinking. She looked happy as though she had reached where she wanted to be, like in a warm embrace. At the top she paused, hovering her shoes an inch above the pavement, considering each area of ground below, savouring every step.

While I was spending the hours reading and watching TV, with the rain lashing on the window she would be out pacing the streets. Later I would be closing the house, turning off lights and pulling the curtains to. and would stare out at the night and she'd be in it, in its depths.

She wouldn't come back for many hours and usually return in the middle of the night at four o clock. She would come in quietly enough, but then would rattle around in the kitchen jangling cutlery and putting away crockery. I would be awake with the moonlight on my face, just listening. The kettle would boil, a teaspoon would clink and then her footsteps would bump up the stairs.

Sometimes I would call across the hall 'Did you have a good walk?'

'Yes,' she'd shout back,

'No problems then?'

'No of course not,' she'd say defensively.

'Good, goodnight then,'

'Good night dear. Sorry if I woke you.' By that time I was fast asleep, i just wanted to know she was safe.

Reviews

[PaintedBirdy]

i loved this. this is simply fantastic. thank you so much for sharing this.

i should say why i like it, i suppose! i like the relationship between the two; the observations the one makes about the other; the dialogue is perfect; "i just wanted to know she was safe" is the perfect ending and summarizes everything. my only regret is that you wrote this and i didn't! :)

[Alasdair Cook]

Nicely written. At first I felt a little let down by the way it just seemed to end without going anywhere. But then I read it again, and it clicked. I had assumed this was about a mother waiting up for her daughter. But the last line suggests it is the other way round.

[Cherrie]

Great hook for a larger piece, this one dimension story makes the reader ask 3 dimension questions. Leaving us wanting to know and then what?” Here is a great example where less is more.

[BL]

Yes that's all that can be done with glimpses of things.

[barleygirl]

Nicely crafted little snippet conveying a realistic "short film" type experience. I like the way you include many details to flesh out even a little shortie like this.

[The Lazy Layman]

I love short stories which give one snapshots of others' lives. This short really accomplishes that feeling. Well done!

[alanwgraham]

A small glimpse into another life that not everyone understands. Thank god we are not all the same! Funnily enough, disappearing into the night to climb a hill is something I have done many times!
Great little story!
Alan

[Jacob Clifford]

Be, thank you for submitting this piece to the short story contest. It has been read and graded.

[Solar]

I was carried along by this 300 word story by the mysterious yet homely 'nightwalker' - a sleep-walker, an insomniac or something else perhaps?

'her feet took her up the hill, ...At the top she paused, hovering her shoes an inch above the pavement, considering each area of ground below, savouring every step.'

Couldn't quite reconcile 'hill' with 'pavement' ...that made me pause.

[Irenic]

your every piece possess the quality of being vivid and for this quality we should appreciate the writer that is you. It is a very good and vivid piece. :)

[Valentine]

Your word usage is very well done. I would have liked more depth in the piece. Valentine