Fist

A forgotten poem from my (very short) time with a poetry community during college. See what you think.

Fist

By M. L. Zane

 

This is a poem about a girl.

This is a poem about a boy.

I’m jubilating, jumping, jesting,

crying, craving, crooning

Oh baby, please come back to me

stay with me and talk for eight hours

on the phone with an underbite grin

because that’s totally not cliché

and childish.

This is a poem about nymphomania.

This is a poem about not getting any.

I lust for you, which means you must

be a great candidate for a relationship

based on the size of your bleep.

Let’s make love all night

and pretend basic biology won’t

make the spunk in your junk sore.

Let’s get obsessed and feel like

lovers, even if we forget when the sex stops.

Who are you again?

This is a poem about words.

This is a poem about realism.

Life totally ends when you get dumped

at the ripe age of early 20s.

You have absolutely nothing left

to live for and you know everything.

This is a poem about a raging fist.

This is a poem about kung fu,

delivered straight to the tenders.  

Author's Note

Review as if this is current. I'm curious to see how my poetry compares to my prose. Brutal honesty requested.

Reviews

[paddy d daly]

reality wrapped up in words, might well be the world as it is today, it depresses me, but your words have evoked a response from me and when we write is that not all we expect, we express for a reason, the reason is to gain a response, we speak to gain a response, we write to gain a response, I guess its called human nature, we are after all social creatures, forgive me now I know I am ranting, I can see the point in your poem even the funny side if only slightly

[M. L. Zane]

How did I forget to comment on these? I'm an idiot, clearly. Yes, this was an attempt to be as subtle as possible in order to slip over a few very obnoxious classmates. See my latest review comment to see why. It definitely makes me want to look further into poetry, as a compliment from a talented poet is a great boost to morale.

[>.]

Sometimes you got to let that rage out, I get it, I get this. Creativity at it's finest for the perfect release of wasted emotions.

[Shane Hogan Poetry]

The simplicity of contrast is used effectively here! The two line contrast makes you pay attention to what's being said at all times , as it ebbed and flowed. Few poets deliberately set out to tackle risky schemes, and I honestly think you applied the right method to your approach.
The sonar reference made me smile! I also like the take on the hysteria in a relationship.
I like that you made the effort not to contain the seriousness or the humour to the same wavelength and so it gave extra life to the ebb and flow! The truth in the meaning makes this a very respectable poem! well don!

[M. L. Zane]

Thank you. Though poetry isn't my field of expertise, I do respect the craft and dip once in a while. This piece was actually written because of very annoying conversations I'd overheard in college. Every day before (and sometimes during) a poetry writing course, there was a little group of your stereotypical "valley girls". All boys, drunken escapades, hookups, and terribly stupid decisions that they just wouldn't shut up about. I can understand a bit of youthful liberation, but, really? You have to shout how much you love your future hubby after a week? Really made it hard to concentrate and expand my horizons as a writer. So, I wrote that poem for the class, and everybody but those few got it. When in doubt, satire.

[Shane Hogan Poetry]

Nice perspective, I totally agree ! I think we are now officially friends!

[Shaquana Adams]

I was getting it until I got to the last two stanzas, arguable the last three stanzas. I liked the flow and the repetition about what the poem is about. It was brutally true for the most part. Good job!

[My Favorite Writer !]

It was something, I'm experiencing right now. I can totally relate to the equations of relationship these day. Well Penned !

[M. L. Zane]

It's meant to parody the general fickle nature of relationships amongst some people. Even during college, I saw folks acting like in this poem. Silly.

[magenta24uk]

I blush easily. :) This was a little hard core for me (and I know that makes me a dainty little flower lol) but I am British and we sometimes have trouble with certain words. :/
Anyway, I liked the flow and it made me think of a song. I could hear someone singing it in a savage kind of way. Maybe a rap if that is not too lame? Great stuff though.

[M. L. Zane]

Thanks for the review! It was actually meant to be satire, so I hope it drew a few laughs. :)

[Sami Khalil]

Thank you for sharing...:)...................

[M. L. Zane]

No commentary? Suggestions?

[Sami Khalil]

I like it alot...:).........................

[M. L. Zane]

Well, I won't decline a positive mark. Spread the word?

[Sami Khalil]

:)......................