Intrusion

How sweet the scent

of washed clean grass

neon brightly shimmering

Rain falls gently

tapping music on the windows

 

birds silently listening

 

there's an echo in the distance

gunfire on the wind

swift sound of wings

birds take flight

they care for guns

no better than I

 

I hear song

beyond the door

and the flutter of feathers

bathing in puddles

birds are returning

and the rain

still gently falls

 

there seems to be

a mutual decision

to ignore the sharp intrusion.

Reviews

[Ecrid]

Pardon me for this interruption, but I would suggest the use of a less common adjective, such as listening. Its hard consonance clashes with the the remainder of sir's verbiage. A quick perusal of the website thesaurus.com garners us with observing, which I believe is good, and attuning, which I believe, given the noun "birds" might be more favorable. The line would read "birds silently attuning" thus allow the T sounds to become a twittering in the reader's mind that echoes the birds. Most excellent piece, sir.

-Ecrid

[d]

strange that they do
quite interested in that point
glad to have read