Forever

I don't remember what happened last night. I know for a fact that I didn't go out and get drunk or anything like that. I look around my usually clean room. I started to get a bad feeling about this. I looked down, and my sheets were ripped. I held back a scream when I noticed the cuts and bruses on me. I stood up, my legs threatening to give way at any given moment. I continue to look around. My clothes all neatly put away, my dresser by my door, my painting, a huge paw print on the wall. Oh, and then there's my-Wait.

There was a huge paw print on my grey wall, and it was bigger than my face. Not to mention, it was red with blood. I felt a tingling sensation in my lower back. I ignored it, and put my hand to the dry, bloody paw print. 

Then, it all came back.

I was just getting out of school. I stopped at the restaurant by my house, and came home. It was blurry for a moment, and then, I was hiding behind a bush, screaming but no words came. That was always my worst nightmare. Then, all at once it stopped. But there was something different. I was closer to the ground, but still felt tall. I shift on my paws. Wait, paws! I didn't know what I was, but this was a memory in which I had never recalled until today. Was that, where... Where I was last night? I had made my way to the back corner of my room, letting my hair cover my face. I probably looked like a person who belonged in a mental hospital. The memory continued.

I was running now, but it wasn't just me. I didn't feel like, well, me. It was as if someone, rather something, was controlling me. I was dodging trees, jumping stumps, and avoiding conflict with other creatures. Here, it felt, I was the stranger. And there was nothing I could do about it. 

I approach a nearby stream, and look  into it. I was all black, with blue eyes which has silver flecks in them. I also had leopard spots that were grey,silver, then gold. I was taller than was now, (given that I was standing and not having an anxiety attack,) and would be about the size of a medium-sized horse. I had huge fang-like teeth that were razor-sharp. I could take out a human being in a matter of seconds. Which to be honest, scared me. By now I was fighting to gain control of this thing that was taking over me. So far, I was winning, the wildcat-As I had determined it was,- had been out now for a full twelve hours. It was tiring itself out. At least  now I could get back and become me again. 

And that's when my eyes drift over to the moving curtains, dancing in the wind's gentle breeze. But I didn't leave my window open. I approach it, suddenly aware of the blood-painted glass shards that decorated me hardwood floors. The breeze moves through the broken, red glass, and fresh hot tears stain my face. Was this who I was now? That shy, quiet girl with a secret to hide? That girl who can kill you if you get on her nerves? That girl who will never be the same.

I approach my mirror, looking at myself. My eyes widen in fear, as I see I no longer look like myself. I no longer had black hair and blue eyes. I had blonde lucious curly hair, and the same bright blue eyes with silver flecks in them. I think of my old self, closing my eyes I imaging the me with soft brown eyes, and brown hair. The one with the pink sweater, and the hat and jeans. Not the blonde-haired curvy strong body builder. I open my eyes to face a blue-eyed black haired girl with the body of a supermodel. It worked, my thought of the main me worked! I was overjoyed. How could a simple though, affect so much? But then again, I also didn't know that I was a monster either.

                                      

                                                                    ~ ~ ~ ~

It almost seemed like reality was now all a dream, and a nightmare seemed to take it's place. Like I was looking through a mirror, only I was in the mirror, looking at myself. The way I think of it, mirrors, they make a representation of what we look like. And the only true reflection of yourself, comes from purity. Which means that to truly see yourself, you must find a river, and then, you will truly see yourself. But I was still searching for that river.

I reached down for my necklace, hoping to regain some portion of myself. You see, I have always been searching for myself. Ever since I started the tenth grade, I've been feeling like I never really, accepted the place. It started in the seventh grade, when I was about half way into the year, I felt... empty. Like I never met myself. I remember only a year prior, I felt like I was really part of the school. The way our school system works, Is kindergarden through fifth grade are in the elementary. Sixth grade and up go to the High School/Junior High. I never understood that, but some things, I learned, aren't meant to be understood. This though angered me, even though I thought it and I was trying to calm myself. 

I was now sprawled out on my bed, most likely looking like I died of pure shock. Then, the same very annoying  thought came back. Some things we aren't meant to understand. Okay seriously, whoever made that up, I want to personally knock on their door, and chuck a brick at their face. I mean really! I would really like some clearance on the whole 'wildcat' situation. And yes, I AM meant to understand that. After all, who wants to have a wild creature that doesn't even see like you take over you, and not know what the hell it is! And if anyone says that right now, their next appearance will be at a funeral, dead.

I look down at my necklace, tracing the word with my finger. Forever. It was given to me by my mother before she... passed. It was a brutal way to die really. She got in a car crash and wasn't given any pain medication. And by the time that they gave her some, she was almost gone. The pain medicine only slowed her heart to a stop. And that is why I don't enjoy life. Because a life has been taken from it. One that can never be replaced.