Witch in the Woods

She lives in a cabin in the woods

she waved her hand to make the angels look

that she sings songs to make animals fear

and that all the devils will hear

She cries blue tears in the moonlight

and screams to petrify animals in sight

every night she kneels and prays for him

him, the one who dwells within

She then laughs with madness

with eyes so red, full of darkness

then cries blue tears to offer

for him who dwelt within her

But one night, she calls for the angels

"Help me!" As she found her sanity

then pukes blue blood, so painful

in the floor and it's now so bloody

She prayed for God, as she's crying

begged forgiveness for what she'd done

"Oh Lord! Your voice is healing!"

until the devil was all gone.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Wonderful story in the poem with a happy ending.
"She prayed for God, as she's crying
begged forgiveness for what she'd done
"Oh Lord! Your voice is healing!"
until the devil was all gone"
The above lines. Perfect end. Thank you Christian for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Anjali]

Thank you for sharing this poem! The journey of the Witch that calls God begging forgiveness, this is something new.

[wordman]

a life of a witch,possessed by satan but yet calls out to god

[JayG]

Structured poetry is a lot more than occasionally tossing in a rhymed couplet, as you do here. I’d suggest a read of the excerpt of Stephen Fry’s, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon, for an expansion of that thought. The book's okay, but the intro should be required reading for any writer, for what it has to say about the low of language.

That aside, I think a lot of this is still in your head, with the story playing, as you read, to “fill in the blanks.” When you read, your intent for a given stanza makes it work, as the lines point to memory, imagery, and more, in your mind. But what of the reader, who enters the piece as a blank slate, knowing only what the words, to any given point, suggest to them based on their knowledge and background. For them, the lines point to memory, imagery, and more, in YOUR mind.

For example, in S4 you have her “recover her sanity.” But nowhere, before that, is there a suggestion that she’s mad, only a witch. Nor is there a reason given for her to recover it.

You say “She cries blue tears in the moonlight” but give no hint of why. And nowhere have I read that witches spend their nights crying. So this comes out of nowhere and needs context. You know why. The witch knows why. But shouldn't the people you wrote it for know?

My point is that you have things happen for reasons only you know, so the reader, the one it’s written for, has no context. And without context, or poetic phrasing to entertain, they’re only words.

It would definitely pay to dig deeper into the tricks of the trade.

Sorry my news isn’t better, but I thought you would want to know.