The Name Was Pain

Pain screamed so loud 'til everyone heard
I heard the voice, the very scary voice
it crept into my brain eating thoughts, erasing noise
noise for my mouth, I screamed but no one heard

It pains me to see the world sliding
from the ground to the air, I banged my head slowly
I must stay awake! but pain was insisting
I closed my eyes, but the night kept me from sleeping

The night was dark as I felt so numb
pain was carving across my mind
my bed hugged me 'til my eyes were swollen
I watered myself to let go of the feeling

but pain crept once again into my heart
it crushed me to pieces, all the pieces on the floor
I hope someday happiness will come to collect
all the pieces, broken by pain, and be reborn once again.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I do understand the below lines.
"I hope someday happiness will come to collect
all the pieces, broken by pain, and be reborn once again."
Old wisdom. When we fall down. We can rise only. Thank you Christian for sharing the amazing poetry and your thoughts.
Coyote

[Anjali]

I love to read the poems with positive endings. And your work has hope, and positivity after describing pain. So cheers to you for writing such beautiful words.

[Hebe]

Wow! this write is emotionally charged, I felt the pain, the last stanza was stunning...great work!

[Valentine]

Best to just let it all out and begin living in the real world. Valentine

[JayG]

In this, you have intent for the meaning of every line. And you, knowing that, have the advantage the reader doesn't share. For you, each line calls up images and memories that are stored in your brain. So you hear the emotion in the words the narrator "speaks." But what of the reader. For them, each line calls up images and memories that are stored in YOUR brain.

Look at the opening:

• Pain screamed so loud 'til everyone heard

As someone who doesn't know where I am, who I am, or what's going on, the only conclusion I can come to is that someone unknown hurts so badly they shouted. But why should I care—or want to know more id I don't know why this person hurts?

• I heard the voice, the very scary voice

Makes perfect sense to you. But as a reader who lacks all context the voice could be internal, coming from the sky, or from the TV. Yet you call it "the" voice. To change from "A" voice to "the" voice in the reader mind they need context.

To make a reader pleased to read the work you need to make it meaningful to that reader.

[wordman]

depression and fear mounted into one causing pain ,real or imaginary