Eyes

Your eyes shine the way I like them to

They sparkle like stars and never failed to

They looked at me as if I’m about to die

Die with perfection from your eyes

 

I stare at them every day of my life

Blue eyes, are they? But they seemed to be

Lightning strikes whenever you look at me

Blinking slowly that makes me shiver

 

Your eyes so beautiful it kills me every time

It tells me to gouge it every single time

Put it to my keys to make smile every time

Your eyes, I loved to stare at it all the time.

Reviews

[Darian B.]

hmm intriguing, they say the eyes are a window to the soul but strangely this poem makes me question that phrase. Who's eyes and who's soul? Perhaps the soul in question is your own. By looking at others' eyes, maybe you are simply seeing into your self. And I know that I may be over analyzing this poem but still, something about this poem makes me question eyes (couldn't possibly be that the subject matter is eyes). As far as the poem goes, it is different but not in a bad way. Like Inject Positivity said, you stick to your own flow and dont force the rhymes. This is great because it allows the poem to be free and for your distinct voice to be heard. Overall, I think a lot of people know exactly what you mean with someone special in their life and can relate well to this poem. Another great poem, I hope to read more in the future from you!

[Christian Bonoan]

Thank you for this review :) I am glad about your ideas :) I appreciate this :)

[Coyote Poetry]

A beautiful poem for love and appreciation. The words soft and tender. A wise man appreciate the eyes of their love. Thank you Christian for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Schatzi]

Hello Christian Bonoan,

Such an interesting poem. The eyes are perceived to be the windows to our souls so it makes your poem all the more intriguing to me.

Your poem has a dark, edgy feel. The imagery is vivid though. I almost wonder at times, what the relationship between the subjects is. Is it love? Lust? Obsession? Or even murder?

I'm not sure if this was your intention, but it does add a different element to your poem.

Nicely done!

Kind regards,

Schatzi

[barleygirl]

You've described one's obsession with looking at his/her beloved's eyes in ways that are original, which is something I always look for, since I get so tired of cliché depictions of love attractions. The first two stanzas are strong with striking descriptions of how it looks & feels to be entranced by these eyes. In the last stanza, quite frankly, I don't understand the meaning of "gouge it" and "put it to my keys" . . . plus, this last stanza is repetitive with each line ending the same way (meaningless -- "all the time" is so vague & over-used, it's lost all meaning). I urge you to dig deeper & find new ways to show us how long is the passing of time or how does it look & feel & smell & sound, as one goes thru constant attraction, instead of using clichés like smiling every time and staring all the time (ho-hum!)

[Christian Bonoan]

Thanks for this review.
First what I meant by gouge it and put it to my keys is that i want to take off his eyes and use it as a key chain :)
Thanks for the advice :) i'll apply what I learned from you in my next poems! Thanks again so much

[Jenny Leigh]

Another interesting poem. Not sure about ending the last four lines with "time", but A++ for uniqueness.

[Viola Win]

"Lightning strikes whenever you look at me" that line got me like... 😍
Great poem, Chris!!!! ♡

[Valentine]

Some eyes are irresistible. Most look beyond the smile to the heart. Valentine

[J.M. Wise]

Solid poem, interesting read for sure. I do have a question though; what did you mean when you said "Put it to my keys"?

[J.M. Wise]

It just has a malevolent undertone to me so I would like some clarification or to explain why the malevolence is there.

[Christian Bonoan]

what I meant by "put it to my keys" is like a "keychain" i want to you the eyes for a keychain haha
the malevolence is there because I was inspired by Edgar Allan Poe's "The tell-tale heart"
Anyway, thank you for this review :)

[Chase Weik]

Great piece Christian! It has a very unique flow and reads extremely well. The way you described the eyes was absolutely fantastic! Awesome work! Keep it up! Can't wait to see more from you.

[Neal S]

Nice work Christian. I enjoyed the flow of this even though it was a bit abstract. Again nice piece.