Alone

A poem about a tortured, lonely soul.

I sit on a rocky shoal overlooking the sea

Thinking and wondering what is wrong with me.

I stare out to the waves-the cool breeze on my face

I watch as a star streaks down like an angel fallen from grace.

Questions and ponderings run through my mind

I wonder if it is just me or the whole of mankind.

Is it right for one to feel always alone

While everyone else seems to have someone to hold?

Perhaps I am destined to live in solitude

Or maybe this loneliness is just an interlude.

Am I making some kind of horrible mistake?

Why do I sit singled out and lie lonely awake?

Eccentricities and all oddities aside

Should not everyone have someone they can stand beside?

I thank God for my friends though they are so few

And they will always support me and always be true.

But no one seems interested even a small little bit

To take this friendship and make relations of it.

All human beings have a basic need and desire

To find a true soul mate and feel love's burning fire.

I don't want to give up but I feel that I must

Loneliness seems to be the only idea I can trust

My gaze is averted from the sea to the sky

I see the black velvet of night and wish I would die.

The astral exanse with its diamonds seems to glow

Its vastness as deep as my longing grows.

I hear of the beautiful song and of love's sweet melody

Of how it can heal the heart, make it wild and free.

Will I ever know this freedom and life?

All I have known is sorrow and strife.

People's eyes are rolled and their backs are turned

At times it appears my friendship's been spurned.

It has been said that love is blind

But love is something that I cannot find.

I see absolutely no interest shown in me

Let alone a romantic emotion, it is not meant to be. 

Perhaps I will hide myself never to be found

I will keep to myself and never utter a sound.

I don't guess I will ever get an upper hand

And I guess I am crazy and no one understands.

"Snap out of it!" they all rudely say

"You will find your turn with love someday!"

Can I really believe this when not one single soul,

Has an interest in this boy left alone in the cold?

Being alone is what I will have to accept

And I will adapt to the 'being single' concept.

Love is not NOR has it ever been for all

And I see this as life's greatest downfall.

I feel the urge to stand and look over the shoal

My bare feet are cut on this rough stony knoll.

I walk to the edge of the massive overlook

And decide to make this an ending fit for a book.

I clear my head as I step forward again,

My thoughts and tears mix with the blowing rain.

The sea is frothy, violent and seething

The angry waves are noisy and heaving.

The stars are now covered by the angry clouds

The lighting flashes and the thunder rings out loud.

I take a jumping leap to see if perhaps I can fly

But I know I cannot and in the end I will die.

I cry out in anguish the wind whipping through my hair

"Alone no longer!" I scream as I fly through the air.

Nobody will miss me and no one will care

This life has been lost because love is not fair.

My body breaks on the stones

There is a crunching of bones,

My screams are drowned out by the sea's moans and groans.

The waves pull my dismembered being into it

My blood mixes with the sea and perhaps here's where I'll fit.

I float out into the open, the water tossing me about

I am finally at peace again as the demons were let out.

My life is gone now and I feel not a single emotion

I knew this is how it would end, loved only by the ocean.

My body beneath the waves disappears

Putting an end to this loneliness known for so many years.

Perhaps now the world will be a much better place

Since it is missing this ugly face.

Author's Note

Written at the age of 19.

Reviews

[chicagogirlonce]

very sad--honey we have all been there-I have been alone for the last 29 years of my life and I now realize that love is not guaranteed in life-romantic love-but there are different kinds that sustain us love of friends,of pets,of God,of family.
You probably will find the kind of love you seek-there is a reason why I will not---why do you call yourself ugly---don't know how many years have passed since you wrote this but hope its' been a long long time and you have recovered from these thoughts of suicide

[BlueEyedCubTN]

I wrote this in 1999 just after a break up. I heal through music and writing. I shock myself on occasion with what comes out of my pen.

[chicagogirlonce]

don't we all--just keep on writing and keep on keepin on