Hurt

Hanna had forgotten about him. Nathan wished for the opposite.

"Who are you?"

Nathan felt a pang in his heart as soon as the question popped out from her mouth. He stared at the confused face in front of him. Could this be a joke- no, the girl never joked around about her condition before. Then, why couldn't she recall who he is?

He stoned on his position, still processing her voice. Like a broken tape, her question played and he wanted it to stop.

There was a brief silence between them. The only sound heard in the room was the beeping sound of the machine beside the girl and the ticking clock.

The girl leaned her body against the bed's frame. She put her hands on her lap, waiting for the boy to answer her.

The boy had his lips sealed into a thin line. Out of sudden, time moved slow for him. He couldn't stand the awkward mood, but he didn't have any word to say.

He kept pushing the truth away, out of his mind. He knew what was happening. He had thought of this long before she woke up from her long slumber. He already thought of what he could do if it happen.

But now he experienced it himself, he wished he didn't know about it. 

After all, knowing nothing was better than enduring it alone.

"Who are you? And do you have something to do here?" The voice greeted his ear again, pulling him out from his thought. It sounded softer this time and Nathan knew he annoyed her.

His heart softened. Although she didn't remember her past self anymore, she didn't change at all. This somehow made him longed for her older self. The boy opened his mouth.

"Nathan."

Her eyes widened a little before they became normal again. An amused smile showed on her pale face. "So you can talk. Nice to meet you. I'm Hanna." 

I know.

"Oh, is there something you want to tell me?"

I miss you.

He shook his head.

The girl frowned. "Then, why are you here?" she tilted her head to the side.

"Are you- don't you remember me?" Nathan asked. Although he already figured out the answer, he wanted confirmation, even if it would hurt him more. He looked into the brown eyes. There was nothing in them, not even a spark of excitement he used to get.

He held his breath when Hanna's lips parted and when the word left her mouth, he swore his heart shattered into pieces.

"No."

A tear rolled down his cheek.

Reviews

[Sesame]

Hi Shasha,

This is an emotional and gripping theme for a story, and you are creating that atmosphere very well. But there is reason why I do not like the story. My first guess is that English is not your first language, because your grammar and sentences are very sloppy. But my next guess is that you have made a conscious decision on writing in English anyway, and since you are on the Writer's Cafe, you are looking to improve. Please find below some examples of sentences from your story that need fixing up followed by my suggestion:

Then, why she couldn't recall who is he? [-> Then why couldn't she recall who he is?]

It was a brief silence between them. [-> There was a brief silence between them.]

Her question played [-> Please note that the question does not play, the broken tape plays, an element you introduce later in the sentence. To make this more readable: Like a broken tape, the question played...]

when her head throbbed. [It is unclear for me what this is exactly? Blood throbbing in her head? And it is also unclear why it should be throbbing. It is not explained in or related to the paragraph.]

his lip sealed [ He has only one lip? ]

the time moved slow [-> Remove 'the' it is not in place here. "Time moved slow."

he didn't have any word to say. Or answer. [With the 'or' you make a distinction between saying and answering, while answering automatically means to saying. It is just like: There were no animals or cows. Get it? It's incorrect. [Stick to -> He didn't have anything to say. ]

He knew what happening. [-> He knew what was happening.]

He had thought if this long before she woke up from her long slumber. [if = of? Otherwise I don't get what you are saying here]

Nathan knew he made her irritated. [-> Nathan knew he annoyed her.]

His heart soften. [->His heart softened. ]

Her eyes widen a little before they became normal again. [You are mixing up tenses here. As I notice you are writing in past tense: widen->widened

he already figured the answer, [-> he already figured out the answer, / he already knew the answer,]

not even spark of excitement [->not even a spark of excitement ]

He held his breath when Hanna's mouth apart [->He held his breath when Hanna's lips parted/mouth opened]

I hope these comments will help you to improve the story, good luck.

Regards Sesame

@followsesame on Twitter
www.themagiccave.com

[shasha]

Thank you for your review. I appreciate this. :D