In between the sips

Between the streaks of angst lining the night of gloom Brut heard something.

Whats this? Whats this thing?

A finger touched his ribs gently.

It was calling him.

'Go away, cant you see the darkness that looms around me? Leave me in it, leave me alone. I want to feel this through and through, till it cuts and there is nothing left of me."

"Thats enough."

"No it is not! Its not enough! I want it to end, I want to end it! I will go beyond, beyond this pain, beyond the darkness, beyond this cursed life!"

" You can do whatever you want to do to yourself. But you dont have the right to end me."

"Who are you,what are you? Anyways, I dont care! Who are you to stop me? I hate bloody everything! This hatred, this pain, I hate it all, i will end it all!"

"I am your mind."

"Leave me alone and go somewhere else. GO!!"

"Where will I go? I belong to you."

"Just go! Go! Leave me alone. Can't a man have a moment of peace?"

"I will not let you kill me."

"You can wreck your body, you can ruin your health. You are wrecking your mind. Thats where Iam. In you. I will not let you kill me."

"What the hell. As if I care. Go die!!"

"You cannot kill me. You do not have the right to kill me. I have grown on my own. You did not build me. You cannot kill me."

"I am what makes you move forward. I am the warmth that shields you from the ice within you. Iam the light in which you can hide. I keep on living, so that you can survive."

" Iam what is left of you. I will not let you kill me."

Brut stretched his arm out and grabbed the steaming cup of coffee, kept on the corner of the table.

Reviews

[happy faces.]

I liked how this was worded, and at first read, it sounds really unique and different, and though you don't directly tell us what's happening, we all get a clear understanding (for me, at least, I can't speak for everyone).

At the beginning, your main character sounds like he's reciting a poem, they're speaking nicely, and.. poetic, I guess, but near the end it dropped that flow, and turned mad, maybe this was on purpose but it doesn't keep up the mood you set up. Speaking of mood, it was very nicely shown, how you described the night, and feeling. The only other thing I have to say is your grammar could have been worked on a bit, but I found that the capitalization and errors didn't really take away from the mood (for me).

I did like it, though! (: Sorry for the long review, I'm trying to get into the habit.

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

I think this is nicely written. I like how it is worded as well. It does remind me of the book The Host by Stephenie Meyer. She is an okay writer I can say you are a little better than her. This is nice though. Thanks for sharing. :)

[EILEEN McGUINNESS]

A most unusual piece of writing with the first person having a conversation with his mind but in reality he is the mind one whole person cannot be divided unless he is inventing many different personalities as in multi personality syndrome where one invents different characters.
I was touched by this writing because in a way we all feel down at times and think life isn't worth living and perhaps it might be time to end our days on earth.
The problem i have with this notion is that i dare not think of the consequences and what lay in wait for me.
Your poem touched on the personal relationship between the mind which has been cut off from the main body and expressed the notion that body & mind cannot be separated.Nice writing

[Michelle Grayson]

Fantastic short story! I love how you turned a morning cup of coffee into something so profound and orginal! Kudos for a wonderful work of words!

Tawnee

[Dead_End]

Interesting one!! I agree with mystic this one is quite unusual and beautiful... wonderful... keep writing!!!!!!!!!!!

[mystic soul]

Interesting piece... i wouldn't call the ending as boring b'coz this ending makes it quite unusual...otherwise it would have been predictable... good write :)

[:PARAMOREchick]

over all it was great but sounded more as if a story to a young mind. also the ending was boring it just ruined me but i love the meaning of it