Fangs

Snow. Fang. Vampire. Hunt. *A short poem I wrote for a contest on GaiaOnline.com, it is posted under my account: Olympus lux luci. So if you ever happen to come across it there, no it was not plagarised and neither is this.

 

Snow flurried down

Lone figure stood in the shadow,

Face marred by a frown

Uncaring of the frosted snow

Glimmer of white flashed in soft light

 

Fangs

 

Thirsty was she, the Vampire

The need, the want

It set her throat afire

Through the flurry of white,

She smelt rich, flowing crimson

Her mind gave in

She would Hunt without reason.

Author's Note

Suggest a better title, I could think of anything? I don't usually write poetry, this was my attempt at rhyming and poetry, so constructive cristism is VERY much appreciated.

Reviews

[Rambling Prose]

While I'm not fond of vampire genres, this piece is well written and I love the diction you chose to paint pristine imagery.

~nicely penned~

[Angel's Lady]

Glimmer of white flashed in soft light - Fangs! The title is perfect! Great write! Wonderfully and very beautifully written!

[Steve]

I really like this. I'm a fan of vampires, so this really appeals to me

[Legion]

First, the structural aspect. You did a pretty good job with the rhyming. I am impressed since you don't usually do this. But, you don't have to rhyme in poetry and the form of this particular piece could lend itself to a non-rhyme scheme as well. Either way, it would be a good piece because of the way you have crafted it.

Second, I love this piece. It has a heaviness to it with the descriptions you use that brings about a hint of excitement with a touch of fear. I love the imagery with the contrast of the snow and the smell of the crimson flow. I am not that into vampire pieces (even though I have written four myself - one song, three short stories), but this was well done for such a short piece and gives the reader a chance to visualize the creature and her surroundings very well. As for a title, it is a great title. White Fangs might work as well, falling in line with the snow, the teeth and all, but some people might mistake that for a Jack London book. LOL Kudos to you and is going in my favorites.