The Downfall Between Friends

A piece I wrote while bored. It is a story from the point of view of someone who lost a friend and is trying to remember what happened to cause that friendship to drift away.

Once upon a time, I had a friend named Trevor. Trevor was an interesting dude. He lived a state away from me, but we always found time to text or call. After a while of late-night phone calls filled with conversation, laughter, smiles, and sometimes slumber, we grew apart and stopped talking. However, before we talk about our downfall, let me bring you into our friendship. Now before we begin with the back story, you must understand that I am writing from my point of view and sometimes I blur the lines between reality and imaginary scenarios I convinced myself actually took place. But I will aim to keep this as true to reality as I can remember. 

I don’t remember when Trevor and I first became friends, but I believe it was sometime in middle school. I also don’t remember why Trevor and I started talking, but Trevor is a year older than me and we became friends fairly quickly. He was someone I could easily be myself around without any fear of being judged. From the beginning, we would spend hours talking on the phone about anything from life to our dreams to stupid ideas like taking over a zoo or moving to Pluto. Our phone calls would leave both of us laughing, and smiling, and at some points, one of us, usually me, would end up blushing. Growing up, I was a very insecure person with low self-confidence. I never believed anyone who complimented me, but when Trevor would call me beautiful on the phone I would always try to believe him. Although I never fully believed him when he complimented me, it would always make my night to hear him say it. 

After a while, we would call each other and coexist through the phone. For example, while we’d be on the phone, I would be reading or completing homework and he’d be doing his own thing while we had simple conversations here and there. As we began talking on the phone more, regardless of if we were busy doing something or not, Trevor and I’s phone calls went from us talking until we got tired to talking until one of us fell asleep on the call. This may seem like nothing to the majority of people, but it takes a lot for me to become that relaxed and comfortable to be able to sleep in front of others. This was when I began to realize I had begun to catch feelings for him. Along with that though, this was also when I felt comfortable enough to introduce him to my other friend Alex. Now although this story is about Trevor and me, Alex plays an important role in what I believe happened. Alex is someone who I think of as an older brother. He is older than me by two years and is a year older than Trevor. When I first introduced Trevor and Alex, we would all be on the phone and it seemed as though they both got along. 

Over time (I forget how long), they began dating. I am unsure how long they dated, or what happened during the relationship; however, when they broke up I was told it was because of the distance. Although their relationship did not affect Trevor and I’s friendship or Alex and I’s friendship, it did make me realize just how much I liked Trevor and made me realize I would rather have Trevor in my life as a friend than not at all. 

After Trevor and Alex broke up, they began to talk less; however, Trevor and I still had our phone calls and texts. Our phone calls still lasted until one of us started to fall asleep and still contained us laughing, smiling, and having fun. However, shortly after their break up, Trevor told me that I acted “too much like a parent” and so we both seemed to have distanced from each other. I know I pushed him away because I have always been someone who is overprotective of their friends and because Trevor and I were so close, I did not really think when talking to him. This meant that I did not think before speaking so I never realized how overprotective I seemed. So after he made that comment, I pushed him away because every time we talked I would overthink that I was seeming too much like a mom. Although I pushed him away, we still talked on the phone, but our phone calls got shorter, and most of the time was spent talking about little things or our random ideas rather than our lives. We still spent the majority of our conversations laughing and smiling though. But once again, shortly after telling me I act too much like a parent, he told me I acted too “childish”. Now, this made sense, I am a very childish person. I have a wild imagination and I get excited over the smallest things. He told me that I am too childish and that because he had to grow up quicker than others, he could not really handle my childish personality. So because he had told me I act too much like a parent and I act too much like a child, I pushed him away even more.

This is where the downfall began. Our phone calls ended and we barely texted each other. Now before we continue, I want to state that this is no longer me going off my memory. This is me talking to you from my point of view and I could be wrong as I do not know his side or his feelings.

Although I was still upset over what he said, I knew he had been through a lot and that he most likely did not mean to upset me. I also knew I was part of the issue. Although I was not sure what exactly I did, and I am still not completely sure on that, I knew it was both of our faults. Shortly after we stopped talking, I began texting him again. I would text him every once in a while to ensure he knew I was there for him. Usually he wouldn’t answer until weeks or even months passed, and when he did answer it was only small talk and just checking in with each other. This went on for a while, but in January, he finally answered me and we had an actual conversation over text. This conversation was where he apologized for not answering, he said he stopped talking to most people, and he thanked me for being here since the beginning. He mentioned how he was surprised I stuck around after he ignored me for days (and weeks and months), but he also talked about how he forgets people actually care about him and how he misses my “goofy and childish energy”. This conversation meant a lot to me as I generally have missed him and our old conversations. Although we would text sometimes after we drifted apart, it was never the same and I would always wish it went back to how it was. Throughout our conversations, I got my hopes up that maybe we would become close again, especially after he said that he is always going to be there for me and that he promises to talk more. Not only did he say he would talk to me more, he texted me when he woke up the next day and would compliment me like he used to, knowing it would make me blush. Although I loved talking to him, it didn’t last long. 

He only talked to me for about three days before he went back to not answering. I was not surprised by this behavior, but it did hurt more than past conversations as I had let myself get my hopes up that maybe he would stay. Although he stopped answering and it has been around three weeks since he last answered, I have tried to figure out if I did something, or if it is him being him. I feel as though he stopped answering because he is afraid of getting hurt and so it is easier for him to just push me away and keep me at a distance. 

In the end, maybe things will never go back to normal. Maybe I did something to make him leave. Maybe Alex and his relationship caused me to lose him. Maybe he just is scared to get attached to people. I could come up with a million possibilities as to why we drifted, but the reason behind why we distanced from each other is not and never was important. However, sometimes I wonder what if I never introduced him to Alex, what if I never laughed as much as I did, what if I stopped being so overprotective of him, would that have changed the outcome? I will never know what caused me to lose Trevor, but I hope sometime in the future we can go back to how things used to be. 

Author's Note

Not my usual type of writing. I wrote this at work so it may not be the best.