I Wish You'd Say So

Some artless thoughts were whirling to be scrawled; during the process, they became senryu.

Darling, I’m sorry

Your tears leave trails on my heart

I wish you'd say so

 

Let’s do it afresh

No lies. This time I’ll bear all

I wish you'd say so

 

I’ve created cracks

But I’ll plaster every nook

I wish you'd say so

 

I will call anon

Just place your phone on your heart

I wish you'd say so

 

Today I admit

My love was frail and yours, deep

I wish you'd say so

 

Live wisely, mad girl

Why did you buy my slick words?

I wish you'd say so

 

I’ve robbed you of sleep

Your sighs shake and seize my nights

I wish you'd say so

 

You deserve better

Than this empty world of mine

I wish you'd say so

 

Shut me out today

Thirsty Time will sip your tears

I wish you'd say so

 

Without your warm touch

I’m still, frozen, expired  

I wish you'd say so

Reviews

[Writer at last! Sky ~]

That's really nice poem blossom. You gave me inspiration to write that's really something I would say so...

[Blossom]

Thank you, Skyfall27, for reading and liking.
To inspiring and being inspired!

[Writer at last! Sky ~]

Hey welcome blossom 🌼

[Roland Petrov]

You've been more prolific than I recently, I see. Very nice, but I'm torn between liking the "I wish you say so" repetition and wishing that you'd used it more judiciously. I understand that you want the other person to say each of your lines to you, but the punch line is so good that I worry that over using it will lose punch. Love that it's haiku (I insist on haiku, not senryu, because the definition I've bought into is that senryu is lighthearted). One more thing: should that strong line you've constructed the poem around read "I wish you'd say so"? Or do you intentionally want the narrator to come across as foreign (ie English not her native tongue?) Hope I don't sound too critical because I do really like the poem.

[Blossom]

Thanks, Roland. And you don’t sound too critical; you sound too you (always giving meaningful feedback).
And no, I didn’t intend the narrator to come across as non-native speaker of English. Copying and pasting the erroneous line each time and not editing caused the flaw. Ta again.
You are right about the gist of senryu, but then haiku has to have a natural element, yes?
I had doubts while posting it.
And about your final comment (which is actually your first one) I knew I was stepping into dangerous terrain when I decided to use it each time, but, as you’ve said, to amplify the pain, I decided to take the risk.
And now, where’s your holiday-inspired writing, huh? ;-)

[Inject Positivity]

Memories of Poet's beloved... It reminds me of those days when I my heart was broken, countless nights I cried and wished the person I loved said the things our relationship deserved... Very touching and thought provoking write... Lovely work...

Sincerely
Dhiman

[Blossom]

Thanks, Dhiman, for reading and liking. Oh! Those painful days (and especially nights) of soliloquy and a room of tear-soaked tissue papers!
I have logged in after weeks and shall soon check your writings.
thanks again.