Momentum

The lesson I've learned in the past year of my life.

The last person I truly loved was truly tormented, her head, according to herself, had never had anything beyond a hurricane pouring acid rain inside of it. She told me not to fall in love, she knew what would happen, she didn't want to disrupt my joy.
It was too late, I let her touch me, fill my head with her storm, drown my heart in her poison, the only way I could stand it was being with her. It was like some sick addiction. Beyond needing someone who would make me happy, it was needing someone to guide me through a storm, teach me how to breathe while drowning in an ocean that was melting away every last part of me. I thought she would help, that she could understand why I might need her, but like a storm I was just a step in her path to release all the downpour. Like a storm, when she left the wind died down, the rain stopped.
But she flooded me, she left me drowning. Everything she left behind still eating away at myself and everything surrounding me. I'd search desperately for someone still floating but... Who would want to pull a skeleton out of an ocean made of acid? You'd take one look at those those bones and think, "they got what they deserved, shouldn't have gone swimming."
So I just walked, along the bottom. further and further from the surface and shore, leaving behind every person refusing to reach in and pull me out. Descending into the abyss.
It's funny. In one moment you can stop looking for something, and in the next two, you'll find it. I found beauty, an angel sent down from heaven, a soul to save me. Two hands extended into my darkness. But by then I was in too deep, I couldn't make it to her. The distance was far too great, but still, I needed her with me on my journey. We stayed as close as we could. Me, walking the depths with a string tied around my finger, a string that connected my hand to the angels floating miles above me. Always reaching and hoping for the day we could actually touch.
The hurricane came back. Churning the water, separating me from the salvation I yearned for. Breaking our string. By the time it had passed I could no longer find the hope I had seen. She had been swept away by a rogue wave, to a friendlier place. I waited and waited, for the day she'd come back. I could feel my heart leave my chest when I decided... It's probably for the best. It couldn't have been healthy for her, floating along in that acidic ocean.
I tied my half of our tattered thread around my waist, and I started moving, ever forward. Eventually the sheer pressure of living so deep underwater must have turned these bones to steel, nothing could faze me anymore, nothing could scratch me. Every passing current passed right through me.
So I walked. What felt like an eternity of getting deeper and deeper. Dancing with the demons that had found their way into my skull, and my chest cavity. Getting used to them. I had tried to swim to the surface, but, bones made of steel won't float. When I tried to jump upwards, just to get a glimpse at the sun, these demons would always pull me back down, deeper than I'd been before. I gave up hope of ever seeing light again.
It's funny.
Soon after I looked into the distance, thought I saw something bright. Such a thing couldn't be possible in such a dark place, it was too good to be true. I had to see more. I came closer and sure enough, floating just a few feet away, I saw a spark, somewhere deep in the ocean. I heard a voice call out to me, asking if I was okay.
I didn't want to scare it, I said I was, but this spark could see the demons hiding in my eye sockets. I figured if that hadn't scared it off by now maybe I'd be safe, I said, "well, to be honest, everything is very up and down right now."
It took three words, three words and this spark was light enough that the entire ocean shone brighter than the sun I had missed so dearly. Three words and the light was burning hot enough that it melted straight through me, made me melt completely. With these demons exposed to such an untouchable beauty they simply... Burned away. All that's left is their ashes, nothing more than a memory. I don't think it was even trying, just said what came naturally. Nothing too poetic, but I'll never forget it. The spark told me,"but you're alive."

And I think... That might be all I've ever needed.

But light always fades. I cried out in vain as the spark swam away. I chased it closer to shore, but I was still miles away.

The water evaporated, leading back to the storm. The shoreline receded.

I'd come to the surface?

A breath of fresh air, it was warm.

The storm lasted five days,

Cleaner now, gentler.

Five days of clear rain,
washing off poison that made me this way.

The storm came to pass, I lasted, unfazed. A friendly goodbye as she went on her way.

Excited and joyous I called for the spark. I wanted to say I'd come out of the dark.

But lights always fade. The spark went her way. I screamed out in vain, shouted her name. Gone all the same.

I wanted to crawl right back in the ocean. Explore all the depths. See how deep I could get.

But I gazed at the stars above, and, I remembered three words that fill me with love.

"But you're alive"

So I ran and I ran, away from the shore, to the woods, and the mountains, I'm alive, I'll explore.

Sure, I'm lonely again. But I smile much more.

The hurricane, the people, the angel, the sun, the spark. They brought me to the beach, where I found my new heart. I unraveled the thread from around my waist, I took what she left me with, and sewed this new love for life in my chest!
But there's no time to rest. I'm in a race now, to see what I find. To develop my senses, develop my mind.
This is a journey we've all been on. This journey's for learning to be on our own.
But at the same time, while on our journey, we'll never really be lone. These memories create momentum. Everything I've ever run from, everything I'm chasing after, It's funny, How I gave up on happiness and that filled me with laughter!
How could we ever be alone? When we're surrounded by every memory we'll ever hold.
They're always on my mind, I can feel it, in my feet. I can feel them in my chest when these memories repeat.
I don't care if it's sad, If I've been down it gives me reason to climb higher! I was lost in dark blue, but now I'm much brighter! I can never burn out, I can never ever tire. If I get lost in the woods, I'll become wildfire.

Momentum, keeps me moving. Everything that happens now may add speed, or slow me down. But as long as I can reach the ground, and as long as these memories surround me, I'll have reason to use the earth I stand upon as a platform for my movement.
The storm, the people, the angel, the sun, the spark. It's funny, I gave up on love, and I found my own heart. I'll walk to the beat. I'll see what I see.
Any reason is reason enough, I'm alive, I can breathe.