The Separation of the Souls

“S-stop! Why are you doing this to me? Don’t leave me….”

“Doing what? Huh? Giving back to you exactly what you’ve done to me? I stopped you. I stopped you from leaving over and over. I’m done.”

“N-no… You can’t… I love you. I kept myself from leaving, not you. I loved you too much, I still love you too much! You have this hold on my heart that I can’t explain. I will never love another this way.”

“You say that, but there are so many other guys all over you. You don’t turn them away.”

“Yes, I do! Don’t you see that? I’m with YOU, not them. I don’t want anyone else. Your jealousy just gets out of hand and you blame it all on me. Yet you’re the one that cheated on me!”

“We weren’t together! I didn’t want those girls. I just wanted you to feel what I felt.”

“No. I felt so much worse. Because while I was with other guys after you dumped me and told me you wanted nothing to do with me ever again, you looked for girl after girl and flirted with girl after girl while we were together. Maybe not officially labeled for the public, but we were monogamous. We were exclusive. You knew that. You KNOW that.”

“I’m sorry!”

“And so am I! So why can’t we move past it?”

“Because I’m still too hurt! I just… I picture you with them and…”

“Stop, just stop. Look at me and see the love there. Don’t you love me too? You told me now and forever. In this life and the next. You promised to marry me. We were engaged. I want that back! I want US back!”

“I do too! Obviously! I’m in love with you.”

“Then put it all aside and just love me…”

“I can’t….”

“Don’t you love me?”

“You know I do…. I love you….Now and forever…”

“...In this life, and the next,” she finished.

*****

This was the fight that Rose and Adam had every few weeks. Over and over they broke each others hearts. For months this went on, their date they’d set for a wedding coming and passing, their anniversary passing by in the same cloud of tears and pain. Every night Rose held the stuffed animal he’d gotten her back when they were happy to her chest and cried herself to sleep. Every weekend he put on a blank face and grabbed a bottle to drown his emotions. They spent their birthdays apart, every holiday apart, each day passing by in agony. The only thing keeping them going was the splices of blinding light and burning heat of passion and love that burst through in incredible moments of happiness that gave pauses in the misery.

When they were happy, they were in pure bliss. Every touch, every look, every kiss was like magic. Pleasure and love exploded in their lives. However, this only made the torture worse when it all came crashing down. They tore each other apart, every piece of who they were then glued back together with painstaking care only to be blown apart again.

The day finally came when Adam realized he couldn’t do it anymore. He saw it was unhealthy, he felt the pain more than anyone should in a lifetime, and he knew it was time to break free. That said, Rose also had discovered how impossible it seemed to ever be happy with Adam. She’d found herself wishing she could let go of this love, but couldn’t no matter how hard she tried. She knew deep down the hold he had on her heart was forever. Adam felt the same for her, but this time he had dropped the steel wall to protect his heart, and after each destructive episode they’d experienced, he’d built it back up even tougher each time. Rose, however, rebuilt hers less and less steady each time, it merely being a curtain now, so she could run to embrace him. Her anticipation to be happy with him had reached an unrealistic level, and she’d deluded herself into believing this would go on forever. But she was wrong.

He ended it.

*****

Seven months later, Adam found himself pulling into a parking space at the mall in a city near their hometown. He thought nothing of the black blazer parked beside his large leased truck he’d argued with Rose about for months. He didn’t notice the familiar chain hanging from the rearview mirror or the small stuffed bear in the back window that he should have recognized. He didn’t notice any of it until he’d finished all of his shopping and stepped out onto the pavement again. As he walked up to his truck he finally saw something in front of him that snapped it all together-- her familiar walk, the swing of her hips, the way she almost danced on the toes of her feet. Her hair was a bit longer now, spilling down her back in beautiful curls, the tips dyed a pastel pink rather than their natural blonde, but it still screamed Rose. He watched as she dropped a bag, spilling it’s contents, and the next thing he knew he was running towards her.

Rose looked up to find him gathering her purchases with her and kneeling, handing them to her the way she’d once seen him offer up a small, beautiful engagement ring. Her breath caught in her throat. Immediately her consciousness reached for the love that was always there…

Adam’s voice wouldn’t work as he gazed into her gorgeous eyes, the bright blue making him fall into their depths. When she took the bags from him he finally forced sound out. “H-hi, how’ve you been?” Before she could respond, however, tears rushed to his eyes. “Rose…. I made a mistake. My life… it’s been nothing without you. You were my happiness, always have been and always will be. You’re still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. I want you to be my babygirl, my wife, my everything. I want you to be mine again. I’m so sorry, Rose, I was wrong…” He held out his arms for her, hoping, wishing she’d run to him the way she always used to.

“Oh….Adam… I’ve waited so long to hear you say that…” She slipped into his arms and held him close, but then…. She pulled away slightly and lowered her voice in his ear, her words heavy with tears. “But only because I wanted to tell you… I don’t love you… You hurt me, you cheated on me, you lied, you went back on promises, you called off our engagement… I’m over it. I’m  over us. I just started seeing someone new, and he’s amazing… I got a new job, I make better money, I returned to my hobbies I used to do, I’m, well, I’m happy.” She looked at him and pulled away, clutching her bags tightly against her. “I don’t love you now….”

He felt as though the wind had been knocked out of him. “Forever and always….” he repeated from their mantra. He wasn’t expecting her response.

“Not in this life, or the next.” What he didn’t know was that after breaking her heart the last time, she’d torn out the part of her heart that loved him. When she reached for it, there was nothing there but emptiness and pain. Where she’d once found comfort and memories of sweet dates, she now found betrayal and distrust. Feeling that hole turned to anger as she looked in his eyes, seeing the things he’d done to hurt her, even knowing she’d hurt him too. “In fact, Adam, not for the next forty lives.”

And with that, she spun on her heel and packed her bags into her SUV and drove away.