Lost.

12 years old and my life was torn into shreads,

All that was going on, spinning round in my head! 

I didn't know whether it was wrong or right,

Didn't know if I should put up a fight...

He pulled me away from my family & friends,

I felt numb, just wanted it to end.

My family in the next room, he didn't care...

He kissed me and touched me, nobody was there.

I felt so upset, so numb and alone...

I drank my sorrows and dare I ever once moan!

In a dark, damp ally, he grabbed my throat...

Pinned me up the wall, my body began to float.

Struggling for breath and trying to decide...

Did I want to die here or was there someone to help me and confide?

My feet touched the ground again, I was struck with fear...

I began to cry, but nobody was near.

I tried to scream but he kissed me again,

Threatened that if I told anyone my life wouldn't be the same. 

He tried to lift my top, I refused, my head slammed against the wall...

Nobody was in sight, to watch me slip and fall.

Sitting on the dirty floor, wondering what I did so wrong...

He dragged me up to my feet and kissed me for what seemed like so long.

His dirty hands all over me, but what could I do?

Nothing! I was so young and naive, I didn't have a clue.  

I tried to tell my friend, that made things worse!

Rumours spread around school, was it some sort of curse?

'You slept with your uncle? You dirty slag!' Was what they said...

No feelings inside, no thoughts other than 'I wish I was dead!'

I hurt myself to make the pain feel better,

The next day got worse with a letter...

A letter from my Nan, the main person in my life,

Saying she couldn't stand by me, I grabbed a knife.

Deep into my thigh, the most satisfying colour, red.

I lay in the bath, I knew I was on a hanging thread...

My mom knocked the door before I could drift away...

I spent the next few weeks in my room in silence, not a thing to say.

The next time it happened I was all out of fight...

He knew he could get what he wanted all night.

He touched me and kissed me, my damaged body shaking...

Wishing someone would walk upstairs, how long was it taking?!

It felt like forever until he let me move again,

Pinned to the couch, feeling fragile and faint.

I went to the bathroom, locked myself away and cried...

My biggest dream was that I'd just hurry up and die!

I found loads of pills, and took one, then a bottle, then bottle three...

I wondered what everyone would think of me...

Would they realise what had happened? Would he get away?

I knew I had to stay, to protect my baby cousins, his sick game I had to play.

So I took a deep breath, told my mother what had gone on...

It felt like the world had been taken off my shoulders! Result?

We spoke to my auntie, the monster's wife, everything came crashing down!

My family didn't believe my story, I went into panic and broke down.

Six years later and they still don't believe me,

What am I supposed to do? I guess there isn't an answer for me...

It's just a waiting game, and a painful one too!

Hopefully one day they'll realise what I told them was true. 

Reviews

[Haley Harrigan]

I loved the details in this poem, Natalie! There were only a few minor grammatical errors, but nonetheless the poem is a work of art.