Chapter 1 ~ Autumn

This is just a little thing that popped into my head. I don't know if I'll continue it...

I walked slowly through the forest, taking in the yellow, orange, and red that was Autumn. My footsteps were marked by a crunch as they crushed leaves lying on the floor of the forest, dying in their aged beauty. I was walking North toward the kingdom of Darr. I walked at a pace, each footfall and equal distance from the last. I heard men yelling. I almost laughed, there were 15 men. I could not see them but I knew. 15 men, all strong and fast, chasing a solitary girl, with nothing but a dagger to defend herself. They were scared of me I knew, they should be. I almost assassinated their king. The kingdom of Kale was one of the most well protected kingdoms in the modern world. Yet I, a particularly small 'child' had broken all their defenses, and come within an inch of killing their beloved king. Only he had stopped me. Now I was running, avoiding trouble. The trouble he told me to avoid. I was coming to realize something about myself, I had an odd obsession with trouble. I was trouble. Now I did laugh, I was not even grown and I had 15 men coming to capture me. Even that, I knew, wasn't enough. They were close now. only a few feet away. They were running towards me, yelling at one another to be careful. I turned to face them. They all stopped in their tracks. I knew what they saw, a small girl, pale skin, black hair, violet eyes, and a scar running from her forehead across her eye and mouth before ending in her neck. What they saw was a child. A small helpless child at that. I laughed at them, small I may be but helpless surely not. I smiled, "Go away. Go back to your family's, I don't want to leave any child fatherless, or any wife husband-less. You all have your place in the world, it just is not here. So go, leave me be. I am leaving your country and will bother you no more. Go this is your chance."

They all stood there as if waiting for something. I wondered about what they could possibly want to wait for, they must be scared out of their wits, literally. Then I got my answer, a tall young man stepped forward, I examined him, typical. Blonde, broad shouldered, muscled, tan. He seemed confident. I was slightly impressed by this. Confidence was something learned over years, confidence while experiencing fear was learned only by experts, he seemed much too young for that. "What is your name?" He finally spoke. His voice did not shake, I was thoroughly intrigued.


I cocked my head to one side, "Does it matter? You would kill me with or without a name, why do you need one to speak to me?"

He surprised me by answering my question directly, "It matters because killing is savagery but speaking is a thing for the civilized. My opinion is that the civilized use names, do you disagree?" Again with the confidence.

Who is this man? His ease set me off balance, although I kept that hidden. I was used to people being uncomfortable. I fed off people being uncomfortable. "I do not. My name is Jameel, and yours?"


He kept his features still, but I still sensed a playfulness about him. "Jeric. I have a proposition for you Maiden Jameel."

He used an honorary title, fascinating. "Speak Soldier Jeric" Might as well return the favor, right?

"Let me speak to you in private. I will be able to explain fully my propitiation."

I raised an eyebrow, "If you need private, why the entourage?"

He smiled, I realized he was loosening up. "I had to make sure you wouldn't kill me."
 
I have to admit I was intrigued both by him and his proposition, so I agreed. "Fine, how do you propose we have this 'private' discussion?"


"Let us walk a ways." He said gesturing to the path behind me.

I turned and began walking down the path waiting for him to accompany me. Soon he was beside me, he waited for a few moments before speaking.
"Let me escort you to our border and we will set you free."


"You imply I am not free now." I said keeping my eyes forward and keeping my senses on the 14 men behind me. If there was one thing my father had ever taught me it was that everything could be a trap. I wish he were here now to help me. But no I am alone, it will always be that way, another thing he taught me. 'You will always be alone' I heard his voice in my head.


"You are not for you are being hunted. That does not sound like freedom to me. Let me alone accompany you, consider me your escort." He added the last bit with almost a playful tone.


"What value does this hold for you?"

"Peace of mind for my country to know you are no longer among us." Playfulness gone.

"Why should I agree to this? Why shouldn't I kill you all here and now in cold blood?" I asked, I was disappointed slightly when he didn't flinch.

"Your first words to us were of kindness, of sympathy. I would presume you would rather not kill us all." He said, he turned to look at me, I glanced over at him, he was trying to read me. It seemed we were both having trouble with that today.


I thought about this, an escort would be convenient, it would be a deterrent for anyone looking for trouble, not that I couldn't handle it but I didn't like having to make the effort. But on the other hand he might slow me down, or even become the one looking for trouble. "What if I were to kill you as soon as we were out of the sight of your fellows?"

He smiled for the second time, the playfulness had returned. "Again Maiden, you contradict yourself."


He was smart, he didn't seem to be the kind to cause trouble, not any real trouble anyway. But would he slow me down? "You may escort me on one condition."

"What condition?"

"That you can keep up." I said. I flashed a smile and ran, it was a normal run for me. I loved the feeling of running, the air in my ears and running threw my hair. I would've been impressed if when I had stopped he'd been two yards or so behind me, yet here he was only two feet behind me. I smiled, "I am impressed. You may escort me."

He bent over hands on his knees breathing hard. I smiled, this would be fun. Then he did the thing I least expected, he leaned up slowed his breathing and grinned at me. As if proud of himself, I frowned at him. Then he did the unthinkable, he winked.

Reviews

[snopadelic]

Its very smoothly written and grammatically correct. It flowed nicely. I like the description of the girl and the action moved smoothly. Id like a little more description on the actual problem in the first chapter but apart from that its a good start

[Sierra Rose]

This beginning is very good! It sounds almost exactly like the sort of book that I would pick up at the bookstore, but the only problem is, it has quite a few spelling and grammatical errors that distract me from all of the good things about your writing! For example, your first sentence is "I walked slowly threw the forest," when it should be, "I walked slowly THROUGH the forest." You then go on to say that the autumn leaves are "dieing in their aged beauty," when the correct way to say that is "DYING in their aged beauty." Those are just a couple of examples, so I suggest that you run your story through a spelling/grammar checker to catch all of those little technical problems.

But aside from that, you describe things very well, and reading your descriptions gives me a clear mental image of exactly what you're talking about. Your word choice is amazing and descriptive, and I really like your main character.

And I think you asked people to give people their opinions on the name of the story? I love it! (:

[The old me]

very good descriptions in areas. I can picture what your talking about very easily. I really enjoy your writing. Dialog was great too. Very good start to a seemingly good story.

[diannesam]

The description in the beginning and second paragraphs is excellent, it gives great visuals! Good dialog and excellent choice of words, gonna read the next chapter now! Love it!

[al25]

So far so good. :)

[Cricket Kidd]

I love this! already several questions have me hooked.
Who is this deadly girl?
how did she get that scar?
why was she trying to kill the king?
how did she get so confident?
who is Jeric? what does he want to tell her? what is the proposition?
How old is this girl anyway?
when are you going to write more?