What do I Deserve?

What do I deserve?

 

 

It’s not just that one boy.

Who claimed to love me.

I knew he still wouldn't once he knew who I was inside.

How hideous I am.

But this is what is fear the most of love.

I fantasize my marriages. I assure myself that I will find a beautiful person to wed.

Male or female. Someone is out there for me.

 

But I fear the worst.

The truth.

 

I’m not worth their love.

Anyone’s love.

Anyone so amazing/

Beautiful.

Unique.

Wonderful.

Talented.

Smart.

Pure…

I don’t deserve them.

They don’t deserve to love me.

They deserve everything that is more than what I am.

I doubt myself too much.

But I know it’s the truth.

I won’t find anyone who loves me as much as I purely love them.

I won’t deserve the love they give me because of how beautiful they are.

To be able to make love to them and have equal desires for each other.

I want it so badly.

__

I’m alone.

Author's Note

...
please dont put those comment that try to make people feel better.
it wont help.
you cant convince me anything than what i already think.
so dont try.
im sure no one will anyway.

have a good day.

Reviews

[Barbara Walker]

Well, i have to try. Where do these thoughts come from, that you are undeserving? That's very sad. We all come into this world the same way, naked, a blank slate that takes in words and actions of others. If we are lucky, we are surrounded by those that love us and want to uplift us, giving us self confidence and love of self. If we are not with uplifting people, we must acquire the ability to see that we are as good and worthy as anyone else. The only thing I can say that would help cultivate that, is do you really want to give others that power over you? You are the master of your fate, the captain of your soul.