Mocking Bird

Um, this weird poem I wrote at midnight about a week ago. Tell me what you think?

Mocking Bird
Black bird, white bird,
Fly between the dark and light, bird
Will you come to stay tonight, bird?

Sing bird, soar bird,
one word more, bird,
Teach your song to me, dear, poor bird.

Feathers black and feathers white,
and song without my word in spite,
my dream, with these, complete you might,
so dream on, dreaming black and white.

Lost bird, poor bird,
Rest your broken wings to soar, bird,
let me help and teach me more bird.

Sing bird, soar bird,
one word more bird,
Teach your song to me, dear, poor bird.

Feathers black, and feathers white,
 and songs without my word in spite,
my dream, with these, complete you might,
so dream on, dreaming black and white.

Right bird, wrong bird,
come to heal me with a song, bird,
I'm not worthy, move along, bird.

Sing bird, soar bird,
one word more bird,
teach your song to me, dear, poor, bird.

Feathers black, and feathers white,
and songs without my word in spite,
my dream, with these, complete you might,
so dream on, dreaming black and white.

Life I gave, and life I got,
my wings are black, but white in spots,
imperfect still, yet perfect heart
perfect here, in my own part.

Sing bird, soar bird,
 one word more, bird,
thank you for your song, dear, poor bird.

Feathers black, and feathers white,
and songs without my word in spite,
this dream is now complete and right,
and still, I dream of black and white.

Author's Note

Sorry if it's a bit messy. I had to hurry and type it.

Reviews

[.shalynn.009.]

I really enjoyed reading this, I have to say. So much imagery, and such a unique style. You had a lovely almost sing-song rhythm, adn the internal rhyming and ending every line with "bird" added to this. I love the use of black and white, which emphasized the difference between the bird and the speaker. It was almost like an Ars Poetica, or as though you were writing about the difference between a person's physical state of being and her imagination and ability to write. Also, for some reason, this made me think of a song. It could have been a Beatles song, or something from sixties or seventies music (which are some of my favorite generations for music). Colorblindmartian RR me with this, adn I'm really glad he did, because this was strange and a little magical. I really enjoyed reading it.

[Mockingbird]

this was very pretty. i love the images. it is very lyrical like a song. and i could see the mockingbird perched right next to you singing you a song.

[Shelby]

It's like a song, with all the lines ending in "bird" being the stanzas/chorus, and the ones without "bird" being the bridges. It was lovely, especially when you brought it back to yourself, as if this were a poem about you, or your artistic spirit. Lovely, and as Shalynn said, it reminds me of "Blackbird" by The Beatles. As others more effectually captured my feelings for this, I'll leave it to them to correct/compliment. All I'll say is: I loved it and hope you continue writing.

[honeyleens]

I really enjoyed reading this. It had a sweet sing-a-long type of rhythm that kept the flow throughout the poem. I loved the use of repetition as well, as it made the poem more cohesive (especially these lines: "Sing bird, soar bird,/ one word more, bird,/thank you for your song, dear, poor bird.") I also liked the use of black and white, which emphasizes the imperfectness of each person ("imperfect still, yet perfect heart/perfect here, in my own part.) Lovely write. shalynn RR me this, which I appreciated as I enjoyed this!

[PaperDoll]

I liked this. Very strong sense of rhythm and very lyrical. :)

[Sylph Drake]

I hear it would make good lyrics then? Perhaps I'll get some music involved in it. I'm not exactly the best at writing music for something like this, but I suppose I'll try. Thanks everyone for your reviews!

[*[[ Cadence ]]*]

Beautiful write..excellent.

[Blue Moon Ice Cream]

This seems like it would be a beautiful acoustic song...or maybe a children's rhyme. The rhythm in each line is perfect, and I love how you use "bird" at the end of each line. At first I didn't understand that there were two stanzas that were repeated after each verse, which confused me a little, but when I kept reading, I realized that it was like a chorus. Very neat poem; I enjoyed it.

[N.Sevilla]

I really enjoyed reading it. Interesting poem. I love the rhythm of it and it's mention of the two opposite colors of "black" and "white". I could definately imagine this as a song. Unique imagery. Well done

[Sherbs Dreaming Tree Of..]

Wow man this was really cool
You should pen this into lyrics for a song
Maybe get an acoustic guitar involved in the whole thing
It'd be intresting to see you develop this a bit, maybe actually declare it as lyrics, by changing the rhyming scheme about. But all in all this was a rivetting piece which I thoroughly enjoyed
Made me want to listen to The Doors funnily enough
Keep scribing and send me some more scribes!

[Helpless]

nicely done! very magical!