One of Many Mind Benders

Waking up in a panic of sorrow.

Last night I had this dream. I can't deny the amount of stress that's been weighing me down lately, but I feel as if something else has triggered this. A lot of settings for my dreams consist of a desolate house made of wood, sitting far into the actual woods.  And I am never alone, there are always lots of people around me. The only very clear part I can recall, was while sitting outside.
This very small toddler is crying hysterically.
Next thing I know, this child is clinging on to me, giving me the tightest hug its little arms could bare, and it's bawling yelling, "Mommy! Mommy!"
It was then that I also starting crying. Extremely hard, just sobbing into this child's shoulder and saying over and over,
"I'm so sorry,
I'm so sorry."
Like I was responsible for this child's pain and I was just letting all strengths go, except one. Love. Hugging and holding this innocent creature as tightly as I could, just trying to make it feel every ounce of love I had through my words and tears and emotions and grip that I wouldn't loosen. 
I can't even express what I genuinely felt in that dream, and even afterwards. All damn day. This could pertain to so many other things in my life. My need to take care of everything. My desire to please everyone around me. My unnamed guilt that doesn't ever seem to pick up off my shoulders. My anxiety of turning out exactly like all the morons I'm surrounded by right now. The normal and boring people that think they know how to feel. My head and heart has been in a whirlwind of emotions for what seems like well over a year now, and I'm just looking for that one little kick of relief. These dreams - not helping. 

Author's Note

DREAM