Broken Thoughts

“Broken Thoughts”

A broken thought
It haunts my heart
My mind is dying, as my neurons rot

I feel a fit building in me
I feel a thought tearing me apart
I must be blind because I can't see

Now as my emotions subside, for a short given time
I focus my thoughts on this schizophrenic rhyme

Author's Note

Any criticism is always welcome

Reviews

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I think this poem could be tightened and greatly improved. Like this:

A broken thought
Haunts my heart
Mind is dying, as neurons rot

A fit building in me
Thought tearing me apart
I must be blind

As emotions subside
For a short given time
I focus on this

Schizophrenic rhyme

[Fabian G. Franklin]

Sometimes less is more.

[Sad Poet]

Thanks for the review and advise, I may change some stuff. :)

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I chop up my work all the time...cutting away to the bare bones...trying to only leave what I NEED to say. It's a habit of all good writers and EVERY great one. And when we have whittled away all we can we hire editors to see if anything else can be cut away.