After the beep

My time has ran out.

It always occurs to me at this point in time that...

I should have changed the words I said

I said I miss you and I hope you return soon.

I should have said I hope his bed is comfortable but that wasn't where I wanted you to stay.

So instead I said I miss you and I am lonely.

I looked at a lot of Women and they only reminded me of your Absence and how sad I would have to make them upon your return.

I was infatuated with your intelligence there is a perfume to your stare that intoxicates me.

Your deep brown eyes held our future my faith was in your eyes.

I loved you more than myself.

You candy coated my atmosphere so even the rain made me smile.

Any precipitation that fell through upon me would only brighten my day.

I should have said come back to me because the stars I am forced to look at in your absence are pale in comparison to you.

So please come and cloud my nights with your eyes...

Please rain through this umbrella of distance between us...

Seep through my snow boots because simply put, I want to feel your cold again.

Sun burn this skin that tries to separate my insides from the warmth you make me feel.

Tear through this thin jacket of mistrust and prove with gale force what I believe about you is actually real.

I should have simply said I miss the way you make me feel.

Reviews

[ANTO]

Very honest writing B_f
I baulked at the line "I hope his bed is comfortable" - couldn't quite decide if this was unnatural, cuckold or sarcasm probably none of the above.

this line:
there is a perfume to your stare that intoxicates me. - is beautiful but I would have not chosen 'stare' myself - stares are aggressive - how about 'gaze' - it softens the meaning and fits with the theme of the line. Just a thought ...

"You candy coated my atmosphere" - brilliant

"Any precipitation that fell through upon me would only brighten my day." unecessary I think, it just repeats the previous line without anything further if you get my drift. Its an either or choce, in my book.

The end line is heartbreaking. A divine end to all round good poetry.
It was a pleasure to read. thank you

[Blank_fortunes]

Thank you so much for your review feel free to glance through the others i honestly appreciate other writers making me better. I was saying that I was trying to say the right thing at that time in my life and I played ignorant but i should have let her know that I knew because she was younger and i knew how these things worked had been in her position before.But letting her think that she was "A smooth criminal" was my worst mistake. the precipitation line just came to me after the atmosphere line cause with most of my poems on here don't write them in advance I just type what comes to me as it comes. But I do get what your saying though and I do really appreciate it.

[ANTO]

Oh I see wow - that is some seat of the pants writing technique - I usually hear a phrase or remember an incident and then I begin to throw things around in my head and I have a gazillion post it notes in a box with what I think are 'good lines'.

We all have our methods but if it works then it works.
Your very welcome B_f
:)

[Heartful5160]

All I can say is awwwww. That is very sweet! I have felt that way before and love is a very strong subject to write about! Great job and keep writing!

[Shaquana Adams]

This is so heartfelt and beautiful. I enjoyed this very much :)

[Blank_fortunes]

Thank you for reading and commenting as well I am glad you enjoyed it

[KaylasPoetryBook]

The honesty throughout this piece is what makes it so captivating. Simply beautiful :)

[Blank_fortunes]

Thank you.

[Blank_fortunes]

Wow sir beautiful poem had to read this one a few times myself