Something I wrote #1

This is an excerpt of a book I may or may not write. It's a random scene that played in my mind. I just went with it.

“Dana, listen to me. I like you as a friend. But I don’t share the feelings you have for me with you. I just don’t. I’m sorry.” He waited for her facial expression to give him a clue as to how she would respond. Nothing. In fact, her face went blank, her brown eyes warmed to black. It was as if she went ice cold right in front of him. 

“Dana?”, He spoke gently as to not startle her. “Yes?”, she came to; her voice was barely audible. “Tell me you understand.” Finally, she tilted her head up to look into his blue eyes. She always thought they were so serene. Yet, this time she found no comfort in them. An icy tingling pain began to travel slowly through her entire body. “My chest hurts…”, her voice trailed off into thin air. “What is it Dana? He gently shook her. "Are you alright?” His voice didn’t sound like the one she loved so dearly anymore. Suddenly it only made the pain she now felt, worse. His voice irritated her somehow. “I…I can’t do this. I want to leave. Now!” “Dana, wait. Talk to me! Please!” He tried to grab her hand as she turned. She couldn’t be that close to him a moment longer. “I don’t know what’s happening to me. I get it. You don’t love me. Fine. I just need air!” Tears formed in her eyes. She couldn’t let him see them fall. “Goodbye…friend.” She looked at his angelic face one last time before walking away. She realized it didn’t have the same perfect form she remembered before this moment. Everything about him that once made him beautiful was fading. Awful stings of hatred took the place where her love for him once lived. Her mind overflowed with regret as she walked further from him, refusing to look back. She never looked back. 

A.B.  04.11.16.

Author's Note

This was my first time writing something like this so I apologize if it's horrible. I won't lie; I don't know how to write properly.

Reviews

[Robert Parlange]

This is a good scene. We see the world differently when we are in love. We look past the imperfections and only see the “ideal.” Our minds create something that's never really there. Your writing portrayed that very well.

If you want some advice, write like you're trying to tell a story to your best friend. You are trying to make it so clear that they will see what you see, hear what you hear, feel what you feel. I suppose it's like being in love. You're trying to win over the reader. Make them fall in love with you.

Keep writing. You'll do fine.