A Necklace of Clouds

i used to
love a
girl who
wore
a necklace
of clouds

and since
she was almost always
of a
sunny disposition
mostly they'd be pure
and white

but sometimes on
her becoming
sad
they
would rain

or sometimes
she'd become
angry and they'd
storm
which she didn't like
being girlishly vain
because
the lighting would strike
her skin
leaving scars

but
there was one time
i saw them snow

the time
i told her
i cheated on her
with her best friend

and they snowed
and snowed
and snowed
and snowed
until it covered
her up and she died
from exposure

and after she died
since she never told
anyone i cheated on her
her family gave the necklace
of clouds to me

and i put it on
and it snowed
and snowed
and snowed
and snowed
until i died from
exposure
too

so now
when you
approach me
you will see
that coldness
in my eyes
and that cloud
of frost when i
speak

because
no longer is there
any warmth
in my body
to thaw my breath

because
my
heart is
frozen

Reviews

[Robert Strzalko]

Very interesting, unique and original. I've never read anything quite like it.

[Sometimes Blood]

The heart in this piece can be felt very vividly. Thank you for sharing with us here.

[Anne Timmins]

An incredibly beautiful way to get your metaphorical message across. Good work here.

[Susan Beth Horvath]

this is a masterful piece full of beautiful words

[Marina]

your imagery is truly exhilarating, the idea gripped me and i'm sure this poem and the image you created of a necklace of clouds will be in my mind for a long time. thank you for sharing :)

[Wandering Minstrel]

this has some powerful words and imagery attached to it..I loved it!

[John Anderson]

This is so unique and cleverly written. I enjoyed it

[Matching Socks]

Jeez, this is so hard hitting.
I love it! I mean, I wish life was all sunny skies and apple pies.
But it sure is not. Excellent excellent excellent
Keep the pearls as a reminder that you need to treasure the diamonds.
Because those will cut you like you wouldn't believe.
In my experience...

[Tricia Pattinson]

Ver creative write. A great poem! Interesting and entertaining - really grabs the reader. Well done!

[Lyn Anderson]

I really like the ideas and metaphors contained within this poem. I would suggest, however, looking it over for structure and punctuation, as it stops and stutters in parts -- not to say that it is not good, but with a careful eye, it could be even better, not even changing the words.