Rap Battle #3: Edward Cullen v.s. Harry Potter (with Jacob Black)

Rap Battle between Edward Cullen and Harry Potter.

Edward Cullen v.s. Harry Potter

with Jacob Black

 

 

 

 

　

　

 

 

 

 

 

　

　

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

with Jacob Black...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edward Cullen:

 

*sarcastic tone*

 

Oh no! I'm so scared!

Please don't cast a spell on me,

I came unprepared!

Please don't hurt me with your gay little wand

 

*end of sarcastic tone*

 

Oh look! Here comes your boyfriend...Ron!

You got a scar on your head

Your parents are dead

You wear nerdy little glasses

And vampires kick nerd's asses!

Shut up and quit complaining!

You're so whiny!

I'm gonna screw you up just like I screwed Hermione!

Why don't you use a spell to give yourself a dick?

Then maybe you'd actually get girls!

But you better make it quick!

Cause I'm takin' them all

With my foot up your a*s, I'm gonna make you scrawl!

 

 

Harry Potter:

 

Bloody hell!

What was that?

An epic fail!

That was absolutely horrible!

And by the way, my glasses are adorable!

More people dress as me when trick-or-treating!

I suggest you begin retreating

With one little word and a wave of my wand

I'll be whooping your a*s like I was James Bonde

You can't battle against me! I'm the Chosen One

I'll whip my wand out and watch you run

You're just a pale white nerd

The only theatre you've ever been played in

Is the theatre of the absurd

You have little fangs

But you're still never gonna bang

I'm a freakin' soon-to-be Wizard

I could end you now with a spell of garlic blizzard!

　

　

　

Edward Cullen:

 

Too bad your actor takes pics that are nude

Don't you think J.K. Rowling found that kinda rude?

Glad my actor is more mature

I can trust him to keep my dick safe and secure

I'll shove your wand up your a*s

Put you in a full body cast

Screw Hogwarts and magic!

Vampires is where its at

Your movies are tragic!

Put on your invisible cloak

I'll still find you

I'll sink my fangs in your throat

You can't run

You can't hide

I'm a star worldwide!

You're a little porn star with a rape conviction

You can't defeat me because

I'm the mother f**king king of fiction!!

 

 

Harry Potter:

 

Abra ca freakin' dabra!

Your actor died in the Tri Wizard Tournament if I'm not mistaken!

I'll burn you down with my magic and serve you up to Queen Elizabeth with a side of bacon!

The only reason you won't show off your body is because you don't have anything to show!

You've got no beauty anywhere from head to toe

I'd make fun of Twilight but I've never seen the movies or read the books!

All I know is Jacob Black whoops your a*s!

Physically and with his good looks

That sounded so gay!

Edward, the point is

No one likes you!!

 

 

Jacob Black:

 

Shut up and have a seat, Potter

This rap battle just got a whole lot hotter

I'm in control now

I'm about to show you just how

Neither of you can compete

In my lemosine of ladies, you two are welcome to sit in the ejection seat

You said you're the king of fiction, Edward?

Think again

I ruled the fictional world when I ripped off my shirt!

Because these muscles can't be contained!

I put the both of you into shame!

 

 

Author's Note

Who do you think won? Who do you think should be next? Thanks for all the great reviews on the previous two guys! (Rap Battle #1: Eminem v.s. President Barack Obama/ Rap Battle #2: Justin Bieber v.s. Darth Vader).
Special thanks to Liz, again, who made the Edward Cull v.s. Harry Potter pic!

Reviews

[~Lizzy♬]

You're welcome Blakey!! :) Just tell me who's next okay?? :P

JACOB BLACK definitely won this!!! *Team Jacob all the way!!!! Edward's gaayyyy!!* Anyway, you are very funny when you write these! They make a lot of people laugh and want more. LOL! Well, I think Ke$ha and Lady GaGa should be next because that would be hilarious! xD

~Lizzard~

[CharlesMonroe]

Jacob stole that s**t XD amazing! XP I think you should do George Lopez and Paris Hilton XD

[clairvoyantmars]

i'm aaaall for jacob. haha. :)) great and funny write!!

[☯]

Haha, I really enjoyed this! It really made me laugh! And personally, I read both series, and I can relate to both of them. And I don't really know who won, but since Jacob got the last word, I was thinking him. Anyway, great write. Humorous and fun. :)

[Naomi Roseღ]

Harry Potter totally won. This was hilarious by the way.
Hm..how about..Andy Samberg and Oprah? That would be good XP

[Kamie]

Oh wow first I was like, Harry Potter but now it's Jacob Black definitely! Haha, I enjoyed this rap battle once again. I honestly think Lil Wayne and Charlie Sheen should go next because they both did drugs but it's a bad suggestion. :P great rap battle!

[quinfinn]

no clue who won but it was truly fun and well conceived. being my age , i would like to see (or read) a rap battle between janet jackson and jewel. hehehe

[Daydreamer54]

I like it and i don't know who did obviously because they were all good! Wow, you have a talent for making up raps! Awesoome rap! And nyea Jacob black all the way! ^^
PS-And ya i'm with shnerd. twiligfht ruined vampires for me too! :P

[Short.Nerd]

1. Uhmm..... doesn't Edward Cullen sparkle? I don't think he has anything to say about Harry Potter's glasses.
2. Edward Cullen will never be the king of fiction. He ruined vampire books for me.
3. Harry Potter is amazizng :D

Therefore Harry Potter wins just because I like him better!:)