Chapter 1: Before the Party

              Prologue

 

     There he was again, practicing gymastics in the gym with all the other girls. Oxymoron? No. Zach Turner was one hundred percent gay. He danced and twirled through the air with the other girls while the guys cried with laughter. Why did Zach not stop when he knew they were laughing? Maybe when you stand up for yourself long enough, what others think of you doesn't have the same effect as before.

     Ritch Simmons sat in the chair against the wall farthest away from anyone else. At the moment, Ritch was quiet and reserved. Just a few minutes ago, however, he had the whole class laughing to the point of tears. Who knows what he will be like in the next few minutes. Ritch's multiple personality disorder causes him to make friends at one moment, and in the next moment he loses that friend by doing or saying things he normally wouldn't do. There is, however, someone who can see through this flaw of his. Her name is Megan McLennon, and she is his girlfriend. He was been with her for just over seven months, which greatly surprises him.

     As Ritch read his book, keeping as far away from everyone as possible, Meko Smith passed by him. This caught his attention, as well as the gang of boys who had been laughing at Zach the entire class period. They stopped to watch Meko walk over to Zach to, once again, be disgusted.

      When Zach caught sight of Meko, he froze mid-twirl in the air and landed with a stumble. They smiled at each other and....

      Ritch looked back down at his book. Seeing two boys kiss each other wasn't exactly what he wanted to see. He could hear the roar of laughter and name-callings from the boys from the other side of the gym. Ritch did not participate, as far as he knew, in any of these name-callings because he felt no one deserved it. However, when Ritch switches personalities, he sometimes cannot remember what he did while having his previous personality. This rarely happens, though.

    

        Chapter One

      Before the Party

 

     The bell rang for seventh period. Ritch crammed his book into his bookbag and through one of the straps over his right shoulder. He began to leave the gym when, out of curiousity only, he glanced over at the two gay guys. He caught a glimpse of them kissing each other goodbye, and Ritch winced and quickly turned his head away.

     As Ritch left the gym through the double doors, he suddenly, as if some emotional tsunami washed away his previous emotions, felt much happier. He felt like making someone laugh, making friends, and being what many people would say was his 'normal self.' And it wasn't just his emotions that changed. He felt like a whole new person with an entirely different history than before. He, however, knew he was still himself and did not think himself as another person, just someone who just went through some dramatic mood swing that had also carried with it a bit of his previous self.

     And all this happened just in time. Megan met him in the usual spot they meet at between sixth and seventh periods. He hated being the Ritch he wasn't, the sad, depressed Ritch, around Megan. Megan was able to see the real Ritch, no matter what personality he was showing at the time.

     As if the teachers had had some sort of detector that detected when loving teens were meeting, many teachers began to pop out of nowhere and watched Megan and Ritch. They kept their conversation short and ended with a hug so they could get back to class. Both of them took their classes and their grades seriously. (Or Ritch's current personality took it seriously).

    

     Seventh period was the easiest, most relaxed class of the day for Ritch. Zach Turner was also in this class, but he sat with the other girls talking about God knows what. Ritch was throwing "Yo Momma" jokes back and forth with Lucas Harrison. Lucas was a failed attempt at class clown, but he was friendly enough to get a few laughs from other classmates just because the others wanted to make him feel like he actually accomplished something.

     "Yo momma so fat," said Lucas to Ritch, "that when she went to the movies she sat next to everyone." A few laughs from the surrounding group of students who enjoyed watching the daily jokes the two boys told each other. They all turned their heads to Ritch, waiting on his comeback.

     "Yo momma so stupid," Ritch said, "that she tried putting her M&M's in alphabetical order." The surrounding classmates, including Lucas, all laughed at this one. The tears of laughter from previous jokes still lingered around the corners of their eyes.

     "You two find something else to do. Stop with the momma jokes," said Mrs. Lorraine, who had just woken up from her deep sleep.

     "Mrs. Lorraine," Ritch started, "yo momma so ugly, when she was born her mother said 'Oh, what a treasure!' and her dad said 'Yes, now let's go bury her.'" Everyone listening burst into a roar of laughter as Mrs. Lorraine rolled her eyes and went back to sleep.

     "You're a crazy dude, Ritch. Are you going to Selina Tess's party today?" Lucas asked.

     "Yep. But only because Megan is going and Selina practically got on her knees and begged me to come."

     "Well, I guess I'll see you then. I hope it will be as fun as last year. What are you going as?"

     "What do you mean?"

     "What are you going to dress up as? It's a halloween party, man."

     "It is? Oh. Hmm, since it is a Halloween party I'll go as your mom."

     "Hahaha, not funny. I heard Zach and his boyfriend are also going."

     "And?" said Ritch.

     "Do you not know Selina's boyfriend? Terry Vac. The 'leader' of the gang that is always making fun of Zach and Meko? Lord A*****e? Ring a bell?" said Lucas.

     "Oh, yeah. They were making fun of them last period in the gym. Well, what happens between them can stay between them. I can't get involved with anything like that. I'm trying not to attract attention with my issues as it is."

     The bell rang for the weekend. Everyone hurried out of the room, but no one was fast enough to beat Mrs. Lorraine. "Thank you, Jesus!" she would say when she left the room at the end of the day.

     Ritch made a few farewell jokes to his friends he wouldn't see again until Monday. He saw through the glass doors the lovely face of his girlfriend smiling and talking to her friend next to her. He already knew what he would say to her when he got to her, and he could see in his mind her reaction to it and what level of laugh she would use.

     But then, just as he got outside, he felt the dramatic change of emotions. As if someone had reached inside him and ripped out every bit of happiness he had just held within himself and replaced it with some form of anger and depression.. He stopped walking and stared at the ground.

     "What now? What do I say to her now?" he thought to himself. Megan suddenly appeared before him and kissed him, waking him up from his trance.

     "Sorry I didn't give you one of those earlier," Megan said, "I didn't want to get in tr-"

     "I know. It's okay. Listen, I'm not feeling so well. You know what I mean. I'll see you at the party today?" Ritch told her with a look of uneasiness.

     "Yeah, sure. See you then." She was able to give him a fake smile, something Ritch could not even think about doing without feeling sick. Ritch walked to his bus and sat down in his seat.

     "That wasn't me, Megan. You understand. That wasn't me," he thought to himself. Lucas Harrison sat by him and started another "Yo Momma" joke.

     "Not now, Lucas," Ritch said and turned away from him to stare out of the window.

 

             . . .

   

     Zach threw his bookbag down by the front door and headed down the hallway to his room. He grabbed his iPod and cell phone and flopped down on his bed. He put the earphones in his ears while scrolling through his contacts list on the phone. When he found the song he wanted, he texted his boyfriend.

 

                         hey baby. we are gonna have a lot of fun at Selina's

                         party i kno for sure

                         i cant wait til everyone sees our costumes

                         i think i did a good job making them

                         <3 ya

 

     His phone vibrated about a minute later with Meko's reply:

 

                        i think we are gunna have a lot of fun 2

                        we both look sexy in da costumes ;)

                       cant wait 2 see u there

                       <3 ya 2

 

                 . . .

 

     "Why can't I be like him?" Meko thought to himself when he got done texting Zach. "I want to be able to be myself without worrying about what the others think about me. I want to be what makes me happy, not what makes the other people happy. Why can't I be like Zach?"

     His phone vibrated. Zach had texted:

 

                       haha we do look sexy in them <3

                       u look betta than me tho

                       i cant wait to dance wit u

                      and remember 2 not worry bout what the others think

                      be yourself okay?

 

     "You make it sound so simple. Just be myself? That's your best advice? How am I suppose to not worry about what they think when they never stop laughing? If I were to go to hell for being gay, it would be no different from the life I'm living now," Meko thought.

 

    

 

    

 

    

    

 

    

Reviews

[~Lizzy♬]

Okay, I will do my positive review first then what you need to work on.
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The chapter was very well detailed and you explained what was going on in the chapter very well. The characters' progression throughout the chapter was very good. The intro got my attention right off the bat, which is a really good thing to do. Overall, the chapter was very interesting, detailed, and explained itself. Plus, the grammar was good and spelling was perfect. I didn't see any flaws in grammar or spelling.


Well, there are a couple things that I thought you could use some work on. When you change POVs, I would put the character's name above the paragraphs before you switch POVs (but that might just be how I would do it.) At the beginning, the introduction of the characters should be on a different chapter so that the readers aren't confused a little. (Because I was a little confused on who was who for a second.) The sentences between Chapter 1 and the introduction of the characters ("Now that I've given you a brief description on the two teens who have the most important roles in this story, I will begin telling the story where it needs to begin....") just doesn't fit into the chapter; so I would take that out and just put Chapter 1. The sentences, "You see, Zach and Meko are going to the same party, Selina Tess's Halloween party, as everyone else. The same party as Ritch and Megan. The same party as Selina's boyfriend, Terry Vac, who was the "leader" of the gang of boys who made fun of Meko and Zach at the gym. This party will set off the chain reaction for the long journey this story will take you." should be in the Author's Note if you wanna explain what's going on in the chapter. Those last sentences didn't really fit into the chapter.
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Well, that's my review. I hope I wasn't too mean... Sorry...

~Lizzard~

[Meat of Dog]

I like the way this story opened. I wasn’t sure what to think at first but then it made me chuckle. I’m glad Zach didn’t care about the bullying and perused what he wanted to do. If only others like him were that strong. I haven’t gotten to meet his other personalities (yet as I write this) but I also appreciate that he doesn’t participate in the bullying, having a sense of right and wrong strengthens his character here. I’m really into psychology and happen to actually know about dissociative disorder so I’m curious to see what that poor kid went through to get it. I know I keep commenting on the situation as a whole but this story strikes me as so interesting because there’s so many chances for the cliché kids are mean thing but they’re a delightful anticlimax like, the overall feeling of it is mysterious (given Ritch’s affliction) but kind spirited. Unusual for a high school story, good job breaking the mold.

Mrs. Lorraine is funny too, she’s like an overgrown kid herself. I am a bit worried about Zach though I hope he and Meko don’t get hurt. He and Zach have an interesting juxtaposition, self-conscious vs. confident, uncaring about others’ opinions vs. caring too much. I’m curious where that will go as well. Interest in the next chapter, I’ll check it out!



Suggestions:

“practicing gymastics" Gymnastics.

“into his bookbag and” Book bag. Same here: “bookbag down”

“when, out of curiousity only” Curiosity.

“and depression.. He” When using an ellipsis it should always be 3 dots (periods) no more no less.

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good introduction. I like the characters and description of things to come. A excellent introduction. I will keep reading.
Coyote

[BabyBluee]

very good! Im hooked and will continue reading, ur very talented...I agree with Lizzy on the fact that the last few lines are a bit outta place..maybe use them in the start of another chapter? or the beginning of an epilogue..is that the right word? haha do you understand wat Im trying to say? lol

[☯]

Wow, what a nice beginning. I never got tired of reading it and so far, it's catchy and I can't wait to see what happens next. Also, I like the storyline you have here, with Ritch; who has a bipolar type of issue going on in his life which I know will definitely make a huge effect towards the more I read. And also Zach. So far, I feel that Zach and Meko have a good relationship, and you spiced it up a big way by adding to the fact that they were a gay couple. Since, unfortunately gay couples are always rudely ridiculed for being just themselves, it flavors the story even better. Great start :)

[Aurora Lynn]

A very interesting start! I like the way you introduce your characters. I can tell that your characters are pretty dynamic just by looking at them at a glance. I especially like Ritch; I think his multiple personalities are going to be...well, interesting.

A couple things that I would do differently. First of all, I would put the prologue in its own seperate chapter; just to make the page look a little less cluttered. And you switch from one POV to another from your different paragraphs; is there some way that you could group paragraphs together so you have three paragraphs in Character A's POV, THEN switch to Character B's POV? That way the story will flow a lot more smoothly, allowing the narritive and the dialouge to really shine.

Other than those things, I'm really interested in this story! Thank you for writing.

[0_o Abbie]

This is a very interesting idea for a book. The beginning didn't really grab me but the more I read the more I wanted to. uh... I don't really have any criticism other than that when people think it isn't " it's '. But I mean I don't think it HAS to be that way I just have never seen it done a different way. :D But that's probably me being blonde! :D

[Cassandra D.]

This is a very interesting book you got here, but there are a few things you can work on. I think you should add a bit more description to your characters and their surroundings. You can also add description to what the character (Zach in this case) is doing when he texts. (He picks up his phone...etc)

Other than that, this is a very interesting start to your book. Really looking forward to read the second chapter.

[Dreamer<3]

Wow, this is good. I'm really interested in why you chose the POVs that you did, and what's going to happen at the party and even after. Please keep read requesting me(:

[hopelove]

i love it