The Ghosts of Lovers Past

Just a poem I wrote the other day...

You came to me mysteriously,
like a dream waiting to be caught
In the night.
Seductive were your words
they drew me in closer.
The breathes you spoke
so dark and sexual.
You picked me
from the garden.
The black rose.
The one that bleeds
as it dies
in the ghosts of lovers past.
Care for me
for I am delicate
and fragile.
Do not pick my petals
or cut my thorns,
as I would never
do this upon you.
For you are the red rose...
the red, to my black.

Author's Note

thanks for taking the time to read it...please, let me know what you think...negative and positive critisim will be appreciated.

Reviews

[Rakerman1]

You have a great way of expressing yourself. Love, lust , hate and heartbreak makes for the best poetry.
Very well done
Raker

[Sseoni]

I thought that this was a wonderful poem! It was so detailed and descriptive! It was also passionate and so emotional! Very unique and creative! I loved it! :D

[Fanciful Goddess]

Amazing!!!! One of the best writings iv read on this site iv been here for bout june.
AMAZING WORDS !!!!BEAUTIFUL LOVED IT !!!!

[Chris T.]

first the things that DIDN'T work for me:
"The breathes you spoke". I tried to visualize this and work with it, but it is a bit of an awkward statement. There aren't too many that will be able to understand "spoken breath". Perhaps try changing "spoke".

The use of periods felt very abrupt and almost attacking towards the reader. If you were going for that (judging by the tone of the piece), then it worked. If it was an unintended effect, maybe see where you can "prune" a few of the periods and instead let a line break give the pause you were looking for.

Not so much a criticism, but something to contemplate: What are you trying to convey by saying "You are the red to my black"? Don't make the reader talk themselves in a circle trying to comprehend the meaning, especially in the final line.

What I liked:
The first three lines set the tone immediately. Great visualization, overall a nice set up.

"Do Not pick my petals...do this upon you" another great batch of lines that continue the sense of hurt behind the words, without going overboard. A plea not to be hurt, by something that can hurt just as much. I like it.