Losing Her

A man loses his greatest Love.

She had left me alone, without hope,

Grief and Anger consuming my soul,

Stewing in my own guilt and loss.

 I loved her profoundly, deeply,

 And She loved me just as much, If not more.

  I thought I was to blame,

  Regret, Remorse, Pity,

  I could do Nothing to give her peace.

She had left me alone, bitter and resentful.

 In my mind she had been imprisoned within,

 While I gazed lovingly at her through a prison cell.

 Yet I could never free her, embrace and kiss her,

 Tenderly.

I yet see her staring at me with love in her green eyes, long flowing, blonde hair,

Letting me know how she feels without a single word.

F**k, I scream to the stars, hatefully,

Aware of the s**t that befalls us all.

All I can do is weep for my dead love, missing her, loving her,

Hating her for leaving me alone with myself.

No point in wishing for one more moment alongside her

Beauty and Grace, Her intelligence and wit.

Author's Note

This is just a rough draft as of now. Let me know how it flows and if you feel it is genuinely emotional. Also the woman's death is meant to be vague.

Reviews

[aLittlePain]

The emotion is certainly there and it flows quite well. The unfolding opening stanzas feel natural and organic, heartbreaking and felt.
'Hating her for leaving me alone with myself' that's such a powerful line that I relate to quite deeply.

I read your authors note, I think it's very good for a rough draft, my only critique would be that the closing couplets feel a little loose, like the power and emotion went from a bright flame to a spark. Just my thoughts, I will add I enjoyed the story...compelling and leaves some intrigue behind her death. R xo

[Lovecraft]

Thanks. My closing verses were much worse before I edited them a while ago, lol. ;)

[FreedomFighter]

This poem is definitely relatable, I often have regrets about love, I enjoyed the read!

[Lovecraft]

Thank you, Lord.

[FreedomFighter]

anytime my friend

[Coyote Poetry]

Honest, sad and sad words for the sadness of losing a love.
"All I can do is weep for my dead love, missing her, loving her,
Hating her for leaving me alone with myself."
I understand the above lines. Real life and true emotions. Thank you Lovecraft for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Gypsy Warrior Queen]

This is sorrowful and it's depth has great beauty. You wanted critique, so I would say the beginning holds much more strength and passion than the ending. For me it feels more genuine. Some pain never ends.sometimes we shut it away before it's done with us.

[Lovecraft]

Thanks. I think the ending may have been a bit redundant and repetitive. I'm glad you felt it was genuine, I was worried it would come off somewhat forced. :)

[Gypsy Warrior Queen]

I wouldn't say forced but maybe rushed through. The darkness is a hard place to see...a hard place to be. Just like light, it must be thoroughly enveloped. Most times we leave it, fore we can't keep the pain that close.

[sushi]

The pain has been captured very beautifully, leaving a heavy heart by the end.

"I yet see her staring at me with love in her green eyes, long flowing, blonde hair,
Letting me know how she feels without a single word."

Excellent write... Thanks for sharing

[Lovecraft]

Thank you Sushi.

[Timothy McNeil]

This resounded with me probably a great deal more than with anyone else, particularly because the woman you described so closely resembles my muse (except for the dead part). But it got me in the mindset of what if anything ever happened to her, and I know that I would absolutely think and feel every single one of these things exactly as you have described them. This is a rough draft that could pass as a final in my eyes. Absolutely bravo, sir. Bravo...

[Lovecraft]

Thanks, dude. Trying to make it appeal to the whole theme of "Lost Loves".

[Rebecca Church]

I can feel a good bit of emotion coming from this. The vague part of the womans death makes me curious and wanting more, but lets the reader go with their own thoughts about it. It reminds me of a book my brother told me about, but only slightly. Still excellent job, can't wait for more!

[Lovecraft]

Thanks.
Didn't want to reveal the cause of death.

[Papaya]

Yes, I felt it was genuinely emotional. I believed it and it broke my heart. I'm glad it's not true.

[Lovecraft]

Wow, thanks. I consider that high praise.

[angeleapaugh]

I can feel the emotion. Raw. I love it

[Lovecraft]

Thanks, but do you believe I should leave it as is? Or should I revise it?

[angeleapaugh]

I love it as it is. I have a problem with trying to edit someones work because I feel I edit my work as I'm doing it and I stop when I feel I can't do any more to it. Good read.

[Lovecraft]

Okay, I'll keep it the way it is for now. Thanks.

[MedicalNightmare]

I can definitely feel the genuine emotion. The end especially is a very powerful attest to the anger stage of grief.

[Lovecraft]

Wow, thanks dude. Usually hard for me to write poems about love and losing someone you love as I have very little experience with that sort of thing.