Losing Her

A man loses his greatest Love.

She had left me alone, without hope,

Grief and Anger consuming my soul,

Stewing in my own guilt and loss.

 I loved her profoundly, deeply,

 And She loved me just as much, If not more.

  I thought I was to blame,

  Regret, Remorse, Pity,

  I could do Nothing to give her peace.

She had left me alone, bitter and resentful.

 In my mind she had been imprisoned within,

 While I gazed lovingly at her through a prison cell.

 Yet I could never free her, embrace and kiss her,

 Tenderly.

I yet see her staring at me with love in her green eyes, long flowing, blonde hair,

Letting me know how she feels without a single word.

F**k, I scream to the stars, hatefully,

Aware of the s**t that befalls us all.

All I can do is weep for my dead love, missing her, loving her,

Hating her for leaving me alone with myself.

No point in wishing for one more moment alongside her

Beauty and Grace, Her intelligence and wit.

Author's Note

This is just a rough draft as of now. Let me know how it flows and if you feel it is genuinely emotional. Also the woman's death is meant to be vague.

Reviews

[aLittlePain]

The emotion is certainly there and it flows quite well. The unfolding opening stanzas feel natural and organic, heartbreaking and felt.
'Hating her for leaving me alone with myself' that's such a powerful line that I relate to quite deeply.

I read your authors note, I think it's very good for a rough draft, my only critique would be that the closing couplets feel a little loose, like the power and emotion went from a bright flame to a spark. Just my thoughts, I will add I enjoyed the story...compelling and leaves some intrigue behind her death. R xo

[Lovecraft]

Thanks. My closing verses were much worse before I edited them a while ago, lol. ;)

[Michael X]

this really brings me back, the beauty of this poem is its raw approach to love and heartbreak. I can really say that I've been here before. Such tragedy and overcoming. I love poems like this! Keep it up!

[Lovecraft]

I wrote this poem and several others like it with no prior experience in regards to the death of friends and family. But I've gleaned enough from sources to be somewhat intuitive about the many emotions I don't experience.

[OhSnapShley]

I like the emotion in this poem. You did a great job once again. Thanks for sharing!

-OhSnap

[Lovecraft]

Thank you, Snappy! ;)

[BBP]

This one got me!

F**k, I scream to the stars, hatefully,
Aware of the s**t that befalls us all.

I really liked those lines and really liked the raw emotion. Nice write man.

[Lovecraft]

Thanks. I've been told I have a knack for this sort of thing despite the fact that I've never really been through these sorts of things. :)

[Hebe]

Shows a whole range of emotions... flows great.... just my thought, the last two lines ... I feel it's unfinished. Powerful poem!

[Lovecraft]

Yeah, had some problems regarding how to properly end this poem. Thanks, Hebes.

[christina]

Having personally dealt with the loss of a significant other I can't say that I completely connect to the emotion here. I don't know quite what it is but something about it doesn't fit, maybe it's just because my own emotions muddle my reflections on your words. I think maybe it's a bit too angry? Everyone deals with grief differently of course but I found it to be a much sadder experience.

[Lovecraft]

The character is going through a range of emotions. Hell, in real life my brother died a few weeks back and haven't really cried at all. In fact, I'm okay and basically ignoring it. People have wildly different ways to deal with grief and other emotions.

[Lovecraft]

I also think Men and Women deal with it a bit differently to say the least.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

This certainly is packed with pathos. There is despair, grief, regret, love all rolled into one. The mixture of feelings one feels at a moment of loss, be it through death or parting of the living. Not sure about the final stanza which seems demure?
I may have written:
"In my mind she had been imprisoned within,
 While I gazed lovingly at her through the cell door."

[Lovecraft]

Thanks. Damn you, that stanza you have is quite good and fits perfectly with the picture.
read moreThanks. Damn you, that stanza you have is quite good and fits perfectly with the picture.

By the way, that picture next to the title is from the end of Silent Hill 2. ;)

[Brittany Bostic]

Remembering someone and wishing to be with that person. The flow is very nice. Perhaps the anger could be present a little sooner in the poetry to add to that beautiful flow. Very good!

[Lovecraft]

Thanks. I thought the anger at her would come after the horrific sadness of losing a child.

[Lyn Anderson]

It has good emotion. Good bones. As to flow, it seems to go from one mode to another, feels like it needs to be either smooth or choppy, and if it's both, it needs a bridge.

[Lovecraft]

The flow is meant to be that way, what with the chaotic and sometimes random and horrible emotions associated with this poem.

Thank, Goode. ;P

[Lyn Anderson]

You are welcome.

[KLMazon]

The flow has a bit of a catch to it, but I think that adds to the overall emotion provoked when reading. It feels raw enough to be real, fluent enough to be art. It also spans several different scenarios, which I won't name, leaving the interpretation very open for mass appeal. Dark. Lovely. Thank you for sharing.

[Lovecraft]

Thanks! It is home to several interpretations. ;)

[Gee]

Perish the thought my wife ever die before me. She is the foundation of a life built together over 25 years , mother to our beautiful daughter, she really is my life. For me to say I can relate would be lying, in fact I wouldn't even want to imagine myself in the shoes of the fella speaking.
It is a well written piece, but that from me means diddly as I'm hardly an authority

[Lovecraft]

Thanks, though I sounds like it had the intended impact.

[Gee]

It did, got me thinking unwanted thoughts

[Lovecraft]

Sorry... :(

[Gee]

No need for sorry my friend, makes me realise how lucky I am