Silent child

As a child till my mouth was shut
It all felt like a dreadful dream.
I grew up think it was normal.
As my age progresses, my thoughts wander, my mind loses its innocence.
It was not normal,
It was not only a dream but real dreadful scenes.
I did a great job forgetting it.
As I grew older and the teenage angst showed it’s way,
It brought me back to a memory that I deemed not to recall,
It brought me sleepless days, anger and questions, why let it be, I blamed God for it. Why bring a noxious being to a world of a child.
As a young kid
I would feel disgusted with my body. And I had no answers, I was confused to why I had this feeling towards myself, I was so oblivious and naive of the reality of what my faith was.
My entire being grew up wanting to talk about it,
I felt entrapped believing it was just a dream knowing deep inside it was real.

The first person I told knew not how to handle situations like mine. I regret telling this person first, I just felt ashamed and worse, I felt like what happened to me was nothing. But it brought me courage to open up to more. It was a stepping stone. As I shared my past I discovered I wasn’t alone. Same circumstances, same thoughts and same feelings.
I felt the weight inside me got lighter. Tho,
Angry that it happened to us. The scenes will never fade because it happened, but letting this weight out of my chest and accepting my faith helps me move on from a tragic past.