Pain, la pena

Well, a pain that goes deep but not what you think

It's sharpness exploded in my body, stemming from just one point

My brain received the message even before it spread and I held my heart

not my head

It was a knife entering my tender flesh, a bomb rupturing all the blood vessels

A lethal force puncturing my side and made my heart flutter, flutter...pause-

Then start again.

 

 

I had not been careful where I treaded, never cared where I stepped

I felt like kingkong, loved, appreciated and well-kept -eyeroll-

I was invincible and no one but you I allowed to get this close

The pain, la pena no es para mi

La pena, the pain trapped me

 

 

I cried out when it hit me, I spat a hundred lengths of oath

I fell like a ton a bricks to the ground

My eyes were blinded for behind them I saw nothing but

black

No matter how much I fought

 

 

But...

Icould not be defeated so easily, I knew how to block further drain

I sprung up from the ground and gave my offender the eye

I held him by the trunk and lifted him high

Up, up and away I threw that dratted offender

 

 

So on I went, a limp, la pena still thrumming in my body

but not strong

I hate it when I walk beside the sea to enjoy the scene

And stub my toe so hard, it feels like I damaged a spleen.

Eyeroll

 

 

Author's Note

Don't hesitate to be frank and firm

Reviews

[Adam Smith]

You certainly have the makings of a great poet, but this particular poem felt a tad messy to me. I do think you should keep writing however, with practice, I imagine you would be able to write some beautiful work.

I do quite like this poem, despite the flaw I mentioned, the rhyming is very good.

[SilentNiaAngel]

I like this...even thou it was bit long, i like the rhyming. well written=)